Play-Acting
by Kurissyma san Tybalt
Summary: "Leaning against cold red brick in the alley outside a gay and lesbian nightclub, she was the picture of teenage rebellion all grown up. And, God, it had grown up well. We may have been undercover, but the way I saw it, that only gave me more license than usual to check her out, and that's just what I did as I decided to hell with it and took a cigarette." Jemily, Ch8 is rated M.
1. Chapter 1: JJ

**Chapter 1: JJ's Perspective**

I'm not a smoker. I never was and I don't think I ever could be now that I've got a son. Theoretically, it should've been a major turn off when Emily pulled out a pack of cigarettes and offered me one. So why was it having the opposite effect?

Leaning against cold red brick in the alley outside a gay and lesbian nightclub, she was the picture of teenage rebellion all grown up. And, God, it had grown up well. We may have been undercover, but the way I saw it, that only gave me more license than usual to check her out, and that's just what I did as I decided _to hell with it_ and took a cigarette.

Emily raised one neatly plucked eyebrow as my eyes ran over her body, but for once I was unselfconscious. Playing interested in Emily was coming surprisingly naturally to me. It made me wonder if Morgan and Reid were having the same experience inside. I doubted it, but that didn't stop me wishing I could see it.

Morgan and Reid were back-up. Hotch, Rossi, and Garcia too were floating somewhere inside, mingling as they liked. If the unsub appeared it would be Emily and I he was after, and if he continued his pattern it would be out in this alley that he'd find us.

I leaned in to Emily, who lit my cigarette and then her own - amusement shining clearly in her eyes. It felt a little naughty, and I was sure one of the others would be out to check on us before long. We were adults, I reminded myself. We could smoke if we wanted to.

Besides, why did two women escape a thriving club just before midnight if not to smoke? Maybe to get away from the noise, maybe to get a little privacy, but probably not just to talk. I brushed my lips casually against Emily's, as if in thanks for the cigarette. She smirked and took a drag. I watched her lips purse, hold, then slacken sensually as she let the breath out. And the smell... Once I would've been repulsed by it, but up close, with her, it was sexy and intimate - a reminder that we were close enough now to share the same air.

"Jennifer, wasn't it?" she drawled.

There didn't seem to be anyone around, but the question was a reminder that we still had roles to play - as if I'd forgotten.

"Mm," I replied, ducking my head in closer. "And you're Emily. So is this your first time here?"

Emily's laugh was low and I was transfixed by the focus in her dark eyes. "Not by a long shot," she hinted. Her tone dared me to question her further, but I defied the expectation.

"Me neither," I answered and this time I let my lips touch hers for a moment longer. It was hardly a kiss. It felt more like holding hands. But it gave me a sense of control - a one-up over the woman who leaned so casually against a wall and smoked like she knew enough of the world not to mind losing a few years of her life.

I took a drag too and we breathed out together.

"You got a girlfriend, Emily?" I found myself asking.

She's got this little smile, Emily Prentiss. A very little smile. It comes across as self-assured and sometimes smug, but I think it's more than that. Sometimes she smiles it when you've surprised her. Sometimes she smiles it when she's thinking about how to surprise you. Like many people with a lot of secrets, Emily takes intimate pleasure in the controlled revelation of the very smallest of them. When she smiled at me like that, I knew something was coming.

"Not right now," she breathed. "I'm happy just looking..."

Now it was her eyes that ran down my body and I felt the same flash of desire I'd felt a few hours earlier while we were getting ready in her condo. She'd appeared behind me and murmured against my ear to _"Wear something sexy,"_ then she disappeared into the bathroom before I could even turn around...

"Looking at me?" I asked coyly and I didn't protest when Emily ground out her cigarette against the wall and pulled me closer with one arm around my waist.

"Isn't it obvious?" she whispered.

Dear God. She had a way of looking both present and far away, both dim-eyed and intensely focused. She was like a woman in a book or a high school teacher who was just a little too sexy. Her fingers brushed mine as she stole the cigarette from my hand and took a long suck before putting that, too, out on the red brick. Then she brought both hands to my sides and simply held me, maybe a foot away, as if judging my exact dimensions and committing them to memory.

I kissed her again, a light touch, which she turned into something deeper. The hands on my waist drew me in, then left their stations, creeping, stroking, and splaying across my back as her teeth tugged my bottom lip and her tongue begged entrance.

Was this how it was supposed to feel when you kissed your best friend? If Morgan kissed Reid tonight, for the sake of their cover, would he feel the same pull of happiness in his chest, the same deeply affectionate yearning?

Affectionate... In my mind I was qualifying the desire as a platonic one. I was happy to be close to a woman I cared about and who didn't offer many opportunities for closeness. Was that enough to make me feel the way I did? Could you kiss a woman until your breath was gone and your cheeks were hot and your heart ached and still be as straight as you told yourself you were in the tenth grade when you spent seven minutes in a closet with your best friend's sister and never looked her in the eye again? And then there was the somehow even more pressing question: Had Emily _really_ been here before?

It was a dizzying thought but an even more dizzying kiss, and I found myself abandoning every impulse that detracted from it.

Consequences be damned, I kissed her hard.

The sound of the heavy back door to the club opening pricked at the edge of my consciousness and I slowed our kiss reluctantly. Still, I didn't open my eyes, didn't pull away. If it were a member of the team, they'd make their presence known. If it were the unsub, better for him to think he'd surprised us. If it were anyone else, I didn't care.

The way Emily's hand traced up past my hip to tap the gun concealed inside my jacket told me she'd heard the same thing. I moved my hands from her hair to her waist, where it would be easier for me to reach my weapon if necessary, but I still hadn't regained quite enough control to stem the gasp that escaped me when one hand rose to cup my breast. My hands tightened on Emily's waist as if of their own accord and I leaned deeper into our kiss. The smack of moisture between our mouths was uncannily loud in the not-quite-deserted alley and I felt every touch and stroke of her tongue with heightened awareness. Heat pooled between my legs and I let out a moan as Emily's thigh slipped between them at just the right time. _Hold on_. Emily, _hold on_. Fuck, we were on a case. I felt my focus slipping -

Then I heard a cough, not intended to interrupt but to reassure. The voice behind it was of a familiar timbre. I knew without looking that it was Hotch who now leaned a little way down the wall. I heard the metallic snap of a lighter, smelled a fresh wave of tobacco, and if that wasn't enough reassurance, he slurred to himself a few lines from a song. There was no doubt who was there in the darkness.

Now that the danger had momentarily passed, I tucked my face into Emily's neck and felt my heart race for another reason.

We were _supposed_ to be out here, attracting the unsub's attention, I reminded myself. So far eight women, comprising four couples, had gone missing on consecutive Fridays having been last seen at this gay and lesbian nightclub. Emily and I were _supposed_ to draw him out by acting like a couple. That fact wasn't doing much to assuage what felt like the illicitness of the situation, however. Maybe I would've been less affected by my boss's appearance if I weren't so damn turned on by the assignment.

Fuck, I said it. I was turned on. Majorly. By Emilly Prentiss.

Before long, Hotch extinguished his cigarette and disappeared back into the club. He had fulfilled his purpose of checking up on us and didn't want to discourage the unsub from showing himself by lingering. Although I heard the door open and close, it was difficult for me to convince myself to raise my head from Emily's neck. Finally she made the decision for me, reaching up her hand to cup my cheek and direct my face towards hers.

"Is this okay, Jen?" she asked softly, and although we still had parts to play, I knew she was genuinely asking me. It made me feel a little safer.

But It was past 12.30, where was the unsub? He'd need hours to perform the torture he had exacted on the other victims and the bodies had all been found by early morning. Dread clamped down on my heart as I considered the possibility that he'd already come and gone, bypassing us and abducting another couple.

Ironically, this was the last thought I remember having before waking up in the hospital.


	2. Chapter 2: JJ

**Chapter 2: JJ's Perspective**

"Rise and shine, sleepy girl," came a cheerful voice as I blinked awake. "That was quite a conk on the head you got there."

"And I thought I was the one famous for head injuries." This was obviously Emily.

Bit by bit, my eyes adjusted to the light and I found Morgan sitting in a chair by my bedside and Emily seated a little further back. Neither looked overly concerned, which was a good sign. Morgan had one leg crossed lazily over the other.

"I wouldn't try moving too quickly," he offered as I tried to sit and _fuck_ he was right... Still, I persevered and leaned back against the headboard with a wince.

"I don't remember getting hit," I complained.

"I'm surprised you remember anything at all with that massive bruise," Morgan teased. "Seriously, right on the back of the head. He must've got right up close behind you."

I raised an eyebrow at Emily, who - wait, was she blushing? _Hold on, just filing that little tidbit of information away for future reference…_ Maybe I wasn't the only one who'd been distracted by our activities.

"Thanks for having my back, Em," I laughed. I wasn't serious and she could obviously tell because she rolled her eyes.

"You were acting weird," she replied, passing the buck. "I was concerned about you and the unsub took advantage. So did you slip in a few shots while the rest of us weren't looking, or what?"

_Ha_, if I'd been drinking, she would've tasted it, I thought. Then I scoffed, "You thought _I_ was acting weird?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?"

There was a dare in Emily's eyes. _Go on_, it teased. _Let's talk about last night in front of Morgan and see which one of us backs down first._ She was really going to have to learn not to dare me.

"You know what's _weird_ is just how much you got into character, Emily," I declared. "I'm sure Morgan wasn't kissing Reid like that."

Emily was unfazed by the revelation, cutting through Morgan's gleeful _oh-ho-ho!_ to reply, "Maybe he would have if Reid had _kissed him first_."

"Because you definitely needed the invitation," I agreed sarcastically, "With the way you were feeling me up."

"Oh, boy, I am getting me the surveillance footage from that alley," Morgan inserted here, but I wasn't concerned. We all knew he'd have to pry it out of Garcia's cold, dead hands.

Emily pressed on as if she hadn't heard him. "_You_, JJ, _moaned_."

"I'm sure I didn't."

"I'm sure you did," she insisted.

"So kiss me again and we'll see."

Even I wasn't expecting those words to come out of my mouth but I laughed along with the others as though I'd made an intentional joke. Then I tried for a safer conversational topic.

"I'm guessing, since you're both here and since neither Emily nor I has been recently hacked into pieces, that you got the guy?"

Morgan's look of near-voyeuristic amusement didn't let up, but he conceded to the change of topic. "Yeah," he replied. "Once the unsub clocked you, _your_ _girlfriend_ ended it pretty quick. He also ended up with a fairly nasty cut to the head. Emily apparently decided the best course of action was to use her gun to smack him back."

Emily shrugged, but her eyes were glinting powerfully. "Turnabout is fair play," was all she said.

"Anyway, you'll be fine pretty soon," Morgan told me. "They're keeping you tonight for observation in case you start developing signs of a concussion, but everything's looking fine right now and tomorrow morning you should be out of here first thing. Feeling confused at all?"

Oh, I was feeling plenty confused, but I was pretty sure it had nothing to do with being concussed. I glanced at Emily, who seemed - somehow - to get my meaning and smirked.

"I'm fine, Morgan," I promised. "Has someone let Henry's sitter know? Can she keep him, or at least bring him over?"

Emily nodded, checking her watch. "I called her just before you were supposed to pick him up around 8 this morning and asked if she could bring him over later. He'll be here by lunch - half an hour or so, probably."

"Thanks," I said appreciatively. Then, "Do I really have to stay in overnight? I'd rather not leave Henry again."

"Hey," Morgan replied as he got to his feet, "I don't make the rules, sweetheart. And since this is probably the only way you ever stop working, I think you should take full advantage! I'm going to let the others know you're up."

I made a point to groan at the idea of the rest of the team flocking in to see me. "Derek, it's just a tap on the head!" I whined, but this only seemed to amuse him further as he left.

Lately it seemed like everyone was in on some kind of joke but me! Still, I couldn't help but smile as Emily moved forward to claim Morgan's seat.

"Are you going to give me that kiss?" I asked, without really knowing why.

On the one hand, I was definitely teasing and was fine, I thought, with her taking it that way, but on the other hand… I think I was hoping she'd say yes. And wouldn't that be a brilliant cliche? The good old '_It wasn't real until it was'_ scenario that was a staple of the romantic comedy genre. Some nagging part of my (possibly concussed) brain was telling me that I had more than a passing interest in that scenario being enacted between Emily and I.

"What would that prove?" Emily answered, and for the first time I saw uncertainty flicker in her dark eyes.

I guess it's easier to be smooth and sexy when it's just an act for you; now the case was up, she was floundering. I swallowed. "...Forget I said it."

Emily leaned forward worriedly. "JJ, I honestly didn't know it was bothering you. I would've stopped if you asked."

If I was honest with myself, the last thing I'd wanted last night was for her to stop kissing me, and I didn't think I've given that impression either. It was just typical of Emily to assume you were upset because she'd gone too far, when in reality you were upset because you wanted more.

"It didn't bother me," I forced myself to say. It might have been easier for me to let her believe it had, but that wasn't fair. "You didn't do anything wrong." _That's the problem - it felt so right that I can't get it out of my head._

"Something's wrong," Emily insisted and I almost chuckled.

"Yeah, okay," I admitted. "What's wrong is that I got hit upside the head last night and I didn't even hear the unsub coming. What's wrong is that the reason I didn't hear him was that, at that moment, I was more interested in taking you home than solving the case. I'm annoyed with my own lack of professionalism, Em; I'm not annoyed with you." _Because you were just doing your job, weren't you?_

I'd never seen Emily look so conflicted as she did then - as she sat before me wearing last night's tight black jeans, crumpled red tank top, and leather jacket, with her hair disheveled and her make-up wearing away. Her eyes, like her dress, like her posture, screamed that she was losing control. Her bravado had disappeared with the cover of night and the premise of a case to hide behind. Eventually she sighed and reached out her hand to cover mine. It was the first time we'd touched since last night and it still sent a jolt up my spine.

"JJ, what do you mean by that?" she asked searchingly.

I slid my bottom lip between my teeth, suddenly unsure of how much to say. Finally I shrugged. "Just that I enjoyed last night, Em - probably more than I should have. And that made us vulnerable, which is frightening. It didn't feel like just working on a case…"

"I wasn't lying," Emily blurted out. "When I said I'd been there before. JJ, I _am_ gay. No one on the team knows... But anyway _you're-_ Even if Will's out of the picture, you've got a son. You're not-"

"Emily," I whispered. "Henry is the only good thing Will ever gave me. He was a nice guy, but if I hadn't been pregnant, we never would have got married. I'm not even sure why I succumbed, looking back. I didn't want to hurt him, I guess. I wanted it to work. I thought that it _should_ work; that a loving husband and a son were all I was allowed to ask from life. I had no right to be unhappy…" I took a deep breath, shaking my head to clear it. "Anyway, Emily, what I'm saying is that I may not be as straight as _either of us_ thought I was. Now will you kiss me again?"

I wonder what she would've said - or done - if Garcia hadn't burst in the door at that point, closely followed by Reid and Hotch, with Morgan bringing up the rear.

"There you are, my darlings!" she exclaimed and within seconds we'd both been drawn into a great big hug. "Jayj, let's see your head!"

I tilted my head forward obediently and Garcia let out a whoop of laughter before turning back to Morgan. "You're right, he really got her good!"

I couldn't help but laugh as well. "Thanks for the concern!"

"Oh, we all know you're fine," Garcia replied lightly, sitting herself down on the edge of my bed. "You've got the brain cells to spare!"

"And we've got the unsub in custody," Hotch added. "He's already pleading guilty to the murders. It's over."

"Hey, guess what," Morgan butted in. "Reid got a number off some guy!"

I glanced over at the youngest member of our team in surprise. "Really, Spence?"

Reid was blushing and pushing Morgan away as he made to ruffle his hair. "I- I didn't ask- He just-"

"Was he cute?" Emily interrupted with a grin.

"I don't think he'd be interested in _you_," Morgan replied, but Emily only raised an eyebrow and matched his cocky tone.

"Who says I'd been interested in _him_ either? So, Reid?"

"I guess he was pretty cute…" Reid mumbled near-unintelligibly.

"So you should call him," I encouraged him.

Reid glanced around the room as if he was waiting for a _but,_ or maybe some more laughter, but we were over the surprise now. Even Hotch had a small smile on his face. He turned his head to conceal it.

"I- um-" Reid coughed uncomfortably. "I'm not really gay, I- I like girls too…" None of us missed the _too._

"Do you think that's abnormal, or something?" Morgan asked. "Kid, no one's judging you."

It took a few more seconds of being very deliberately smiled at for Reid to get the picture. "Okay, well- I don't know! Maybe- If I have time- I will?"

That was good enough for the time being and suddenly Garcia's eyes were back on Emily and I. "So I heard _you two_ had fun last night," she hinted, but thankfully it was taken as a joke and everyone laughed again. Then, before anyone could say anything further, Henry appeared at the door with his sitter.

"Jennifer?" she ventured, knocking on the open door awkwardly.

"Oh, Daisy, thanks for taking care of Henry!" I replied, sitting up straighter at the sight of my son. "Of course, I'll pay you for the extra time." I glanced around the room. "Who's got my bag?"

"It's in my car," said Emily, making to stand up. "I'll get it."

Daisy waved her hand quickly. "No, don't worry," she replied. "I only live down the hall from Jennifer, I can get it later." Then, to me, she added, "Are you sure you're ready to take Henry back now, Jen?"

Just as I was about to open my mouth to ask if Daisy could take him again tonight, Emily answered for me.

"Absolutely, we'll be fine," she said, and my little boy ran over to hug her. Emily helped him clamber onto the high hospital bed and within seconds he had pillowed into my chest.

"Thanks, Daisy," I replied, feeling my heart expand as I reached my arms around my son's little body. "I'll ring you later, okay?"

Daisy nodded, smiled, and left, probably unsettled by the attention of an entire team of FBI agents.

"How's my little man," Rossi asked. I knew he'd always wanted kids, and Rossi had - to my surprise - become one of Henry's favourite 'uncles'.

"Uncle Dave, is mom okay!" Henry asked loudly, causing a few more chuckles to erupt around the room. He was at that age where he was having problems controlling his volume.

"Yeah, of course," Rossi replied. "Remember we talked about how clumsy she is?"

"_Mom_," Henry chided me in full seriousness. "You have gotta be more careful!"

I glanced at Emily who was smiling with a somewhat wistful expression. "You've got that right, kiddo," I answered. "Hey, do you fancy some ice cream?"

"Yes, please!" Henry shouted. It was his favourite thing about the days I ended up in hospital. I always let him have ice cream.

"Then let's go!"

Emily lifted Henry as I climbed carefully out of bed and I didn't fail to notice the way his little head snuggled into her shoulder affectionately. If Rossi was his favourite uncle, then 'Aunty Emmy' was by far his favourite aunt.

"I'd better get back to work," Hotch explained as we left the room, and Rossi and Morgan went with him. Reid, I suspected, wasn't going back to work at all, but I understood his desire to step away from the awkwardness of our previous conversation. And so it was Garcia, Emily and I who walked Henry down to the cafeteria.

* * *

"How'd you hit your head, mom?" Henry asked as we tucked into our ice cream ten minutes late. "It looks ouchie!"

"It doesn't hurt," I lied. "They're just keeping me overnight because they like me so much."

"But how'd you get a bruise that big!" Henry's eyes were wide and somewhat admiring as he checked it out again and I struggled, as always, to find some way to explain what had happened without outright lying to my son.

"I was play-acting with your Aunt Emmy," I tried. "We were pretending to be married when someone came up behind us and surprised me so much that I fell and hit my head."

I thought it was a close enough approximation but Henry's little face twisted in annoyance.

"You and Emmy aren't allowed to get married!" he declared, to my probably evident horror. I was already thinking about getting onto his school, if that's what they were teaching him, when my son hurriedly qualified his statement. "Married people fight all the time," he whined. "I don't want you and Emmy to fight ever! I like her too much!"

"Henry, married people don't always fight," I tried to tell him, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks. It wasn't as if Garcia and Emily didn't know about the divorce but I was embarrassed enough about that fact without my son going into the details. "If you pick the right person, it can be great. It can make you really happy."

"But you weren't happy with daddy," Henry reminded me, and I glanced between my two friends helplessly.

"I wanted to be, buddy. It just didn't work out..." I paused then. "Does it bother you a lot about me and daddy, Henry?"

I was relieved when my son shook his head almost immediately. "I'm glad you don't fight anymore," he told me, "And I like daddy's new girlfriend and her daughter lots. I wouldn't even mind if they got married. But, mommy, won't that make you lonely? Maybe you should try and get married to the right person too!"

"I'll tell you what, baby" I replied, my voice heavy with relief. "I'll work on it."

Henry's baby blue eyes lit up with excitement at that and he took another big spoonful of ice cream. "Okay!" he agreed. Then, "I don't mind if you marry Aunty Emmy if she's the right person, mom."

Now it was Emily who winked at me, regaining a little of last's night confidence. "Thanks, kiddo!" she told him enthusiastically. "That's good to know!"

Garcia threw her head back and laughed. "So you think your mom and Emily would be good together, right Henry?" she asked, and the more Henry thought about it, the more excited he got. Maybe I should've put at end to it there...

"Yeah!" Henry exclaimed. "Because then Emmy could live with me and mommy and we could play _all the time_ and then when I go to daddy's house, mommy won't be lonely!" He was practically glowing now. "Emmy, will you marry my mom?!"

I looked right at Emily and couldn't help but raise an eyebrow daringly. I knew I shouldn't be encouraging her - the last thing I wanted was my son in the middle of all this confusion.

"Sure I will," Emily replied without missing a beat. "Just as soon as your mom asks me."

I grinned, shaking my head. "I should call Daisy back. I forgot to ask if she could take you tonight, Henry."

"Daisy's got a date," Henry informed me. "She told me it was with a _really_ cute guy! Before we left she was trying on dresses."

I didn't even have time to sigh before Emily stepped in. "So how about coming home with me tonight, buddy? We could watch educational videos and eat salads!" An over-exaggerated wink in Henry's direction caused him to stifle a giggle behind his hands. He'd once confessed to me that Emily had a secret stash of his favourite snacks in her pantry at all times just in case we came by. I was strictly not supposed to know about it.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Henry cried. "Mom, can I, pleeeeease?! Daisy's busy anyway!"

"Em, you've been up all night, you must be exhausted," I tried, purposely avoiding my son's huge blue eyes.

"Oh, come off it," Garcia interjected. "Nothing gives you more energy than having this little guy around! I'd offer to take him myself, but he seems pretty set on who his new mommy's going to be already."

I groaned at the implication, but as Henry continued to beg and took up tugging on my sleeve, I caved in. "All right, but no staying up late! And if Emily wants to go to bed early, don't go keeping her up!"

Emily and Henry high-fived enthusiastically across the table, then she jumped to her feet. "I'm going to run to the store and pick up some things for dinner," she explained, ignoring my protests. "Wanna come help choose, buddy?"

"YES PLEASE, EMMY!"

I could only watch as Emily flashed me a winning smile and ran off with my son.

"What have I done?" I asked Garcia, leaning over to steal the remnants of Henry's ice cream.

I was only half joking.


	3. Chapter 3: Emily

**Chapter 3: Emily's Perspective**

"Hey, Henry, I'm just going to have a shower, okay?" I called as Henry raced past me into my apartment.

"Yes, Aunty Emmy!" Henry called back, then he slowed suddenly and turned around, as if struck by a thought. "Emmy, if you're going to marry mommy, what should I call you?"

I froze in the process of depositing our groceries on the counter. "Henry, sweetie, I think I gave you the wrong idea earlier."

Henry ran up to me and hugged my legs. "I could call you mama?" he suggested hopefully. "Or mum." He affected a posh British accent. "My friend Susie calls her mom _mum_. I could call you that if you liked it better? Because Mommy said you went to live in London that one time. We missed you so much..."

Unsure how to explain but flattered that he'd even noticed my absence, I leaned down and picked Henry up. As I walked us over to sit on the couch, I realised suddenly that I still smelled of stale smoke and a wave of shame washed over me. What kind of person was I? Holding another woman's child, getting his hopes up, all while smelling of tobacco and thinking about his mother in a way I had no goddamn right to. Why had I offered to take him? I was nobody's mother. He needed JJ; Hell, I needed JJ...

Henry took my silence badly and I watched his little face crumple. "Don't… don't you want to be my mommy, Emmy?" he whispered, still clinging to my jacket. "Were you just play-acting again?"

"Yeah, Henry, I'm sorry," I choked out. "It's not you. If I were anyone's mom, I'd want to be yours. You know I would."

"Would you want to be my mom more if I didn't eat all your candy?"

"Baby, you know I buy that for you, come on," I pleaded, but he had already begun to cry. "Listen, I shouldn't have said any of that about marrying your mom. It was stupid of me… It's just… Don't you ever play a game and start wishing it were real?"

"All the time," Henry answered through his tears. "I play that I'm an astronaut, or that I get a puppy, or that mommy is happy..."

I was shocked by the last one. "Henry, your mom is happy, Henry. _You_ make her happy. She loves you so much."

"I know," Henry replied but he still sounded meek.

"Why do you think your mom isn't happy?" I asked, taking his hand. "Did she say so?"

Henry shook his head firmly. "She never says she's sad but I know she is, Emmy. Sometimes she looks at me like I'm not there."

"She just gets tired, sweetheart," I tried to reassure him. "It doesn't mean she's unhappy."

"But Emmy if you became my mommy, she would have someone to kiss and hug again, except for me," Henry begged. "You could make her breakfast in bed and do dancing together and we could all watch cartoons on Saturday mornings. You could even share my room if you wanted, Emmy. Please say yes…"

My heart was breaking, listening to him talk. He was such a fun, upbeat kid around his mom, I doubted she even knew he worried about her. "Henry, for two people to get married, there's a whole lot of stuff that goes on first… And especially when it's two women… Do you understand?"

"Mommy says that sometimes girls can love girls and boys can love boys and sometimes you can love both and it doesn't matter what you choose," Henry recited dutifully. "So I don't think mom would mind even though you're a girl."

"She'd have to love me, Henry," I whispered. "Like, really love me. You can't force it to happen." I knew I shouldn't be discussing this with him, but there was something about his gorgeous blue eyes-JJ's eyes-that made you want to pour your heart out to him.

"I know mommy loves you, Emmy!"

I smiled at his insistence. "I know she does too, sweetheart - just not in that way. Do you mind if I have a shower now? I'll turn on the TV."

Henry agreed but I knew he wasn't any happier. Still, I needed a few minutes to myself, and as I stood underneath the spray of the shower I couldn't stop the tears from coming. What kind of guardian was I? What did I think I was doing? No kid deserved me as a mother, least of all JJ's sweet little boy. And yet I longed for it. I was already picturing Saturday mornings sat on the couch with one arm around Henry's shoulders and the other around JJ, snuggling into my side. I imagined what it would be like to sit around my kitchen table with those two, eating dinner and exchanging stories; or eating breakfast. I'd put a pot of coffee on for JJ before she was out of bed and she'd wake to the smell, come in, and wrap her arms around my waist, kiss my neck, and then Henry would walk in wearing his stripy flannel pyjamas, rubbing his eyes, and I'd pour Lucky Charms into a bowl and ruffle his hair… Soon the silent tears had turned into sobs and I had to turn off the shower and bury my face in a towel to muffle them. Nothing less compelling than the fact that I had a small kid, sad and lonely, waiting on my couch could have convinced me to leave the bathroom. As it was, it took me only a few minutes to pull on my own pyjamas - my most conservative silk button down and pants - and return to find him.

When I got back, he was on the phone to his mom. "Yeah, I know, I brought my toothbrush," he insisted. "I promise, mom!"

When he saw me he smiled and I was so unspeakably grateful for the reassurance. Swallowing, with a little difficulty, I mimed asking for the phone.

"Mommy, Emmy wants to talk to you!" Henry chimed obediently and the phone was handed over.

"Jayj, how are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling fine, Em. I wish I were home," JJ sighed. "Henry sounds like he's having fun. You must be doing a good job. Thanks again for taking him."

I grimaced slightly. The kid was a good liar. "Hey, it's no problem," I replied, triying to sound upbeat. "You know I love Henry." I gave the little man a wink as he grinned up at me.

"Great, well, the good news is, I should be out of the hospital by 8 tomorrow. I was thinking I'd run home, have a shower, and then come take you and Henry out to breakfast?"

"You don't have to-"

"Em," JJ interrupted. "I want to, okay?" Her voice was firm, but when I didn't protest again, she continued more lightly, "Besides, how often do I get to spend time with my two favourite people at once? Anyway, that's all I called to say - hope you two have a good night. But don't have too much fun without me!"

I tried to keep smiling reassuringly at Henry but in fact my heart was beating fast. Was I really her favourite person next to her son? "We'll do our best," I replied. "Henry, say bye to your mom now."

"Bye, mommy!" Henry shouted obligingly. "See you tomorrow!"

"Bye, Henry," JJ called back. "I love you both. See you tomorrow!"

I knew I was blushing as I hung up the phone and Henry called me out on it.

"Mommy said she loved you and now you're blushing," he declared without wasting a second.

"She said she loved _both of us_, Henry," I corrected him.

"But _you_ said she'd need to love you to marry you and she _does,"_ he insisted. "Emmy, why don't you wanna marry mommy. It'd be so good!"

_I know it would, Henry. I know… _"I think you and me and your mommy need to talk about this tomorrow," I deliberated.

"Are you going to ask her to marry you?"

"Henry, _no_!" I knew my voice was getting desperate now. How did JJ do it? How did you argue with him and win without hurting him? I suddenly realised how awful it must have been for her and Will to explain their divorce to Henry. No wonder she'd been desperate for it to work out… "Henry, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to snap. It's just that it's complicated. There are things that people have to do together before they get married, and me and your mom haven't done any of those things."

"You mean like kissing and going on dates?" Henry asked, nodding maturely. "You could do that. I could come too! Maybe we could go on a date to watch Iron Man again!"

I smiled, neglecting to mention just how much kissing had gone on between his mother and I last night. "Do you like Iron Man, Henry?"

The little boy laughed happily. "Silly, Emmy, you know Iron Man's my favourite!"

"Oh, you're right!" I exclaimed, feeling a little more in my element now. "I was just checking because look what I picked up the other day…" I pulled a new DVD from my shelf and held it down for him to see. "Iron Man _III_ - you haven't seen it right? How do you feel about watching it with me?"

Henry's eyes lit up and I knew he was about to say yes - very enthusiastically - but he stopped himself. "Um, mommy says we should sleep early tonight," he replied instead. "Plus, I kinda want to wait to watch Iron Man III with you _and_ mommy… Is that okay?"

I ruffled Henry's hair lightly before placing the DVD back on the shelf. "That sounds perfect, sweetheart. Let's start dinner instead."

* * *

_Come on, Em. You need to figure this out,_ I pleaded with myself as I climbed into bed. With Henry lying in the next room, the stakes seemed so much higher than they had when JJ and I were joking around at the hospital. _Do you love her? Could you have this life and be happy with her?_

I knew without a doubt that I could. It was JJ who had pulled me through all those lonely days when I was on the run - staying up all hours to play online Scrabble across time zones with her. I could always tell when Henry was at her side, helping - his words were shorter, more innocent, as a child's should be. It didn't matter though; our games were never about the final score. I wondered if it would be easier to get my feelings across using Scrabble...

I forced myself to remember the kiss in the alley. Honestly I'd been trying to forget about it, at least until everything became a little clearer.

God, it had been hot... It had also been _necessary_, I reminded myself. It never would have happened if we weren't on a case. And yet this morning, at the hospital, JJ had asked me twice to kiss her again. I wanted to kick myself for having frozen up, but I'd been filled with fear. Was she joking, or even worse, was she laughing at me? We'd been teasing each other this morning but the more time passed, the less sure I was that JJ had reacted the way I remembered. Yes, she'd been the first to kiss me, but hers had only been light, chaste kisses. I was the one who'd taken it further. And Hotch had seen! I wanted to dig myself a hole and crawl into it. He must think I'm totally pathetic; they both must... I'd _told JJ I was gay._ Fuck. There was no mistaking what I wanted from that!

I groaned loudly, forgetting Henry was next door. Shortly after, I heard the patter of his footsteps and then saw his head peeking into the room.

"Aunty Emmy, are you okay?"

"Yeah Henry, I'm sorry," I answered, sitting up. "Can't you sleep?"

"I miss mommy," he admitted quietly. "We're you having a nightmare?"

"No, no, I was just thinking," I promised. "Go back to sleep."

I watched his eyes flicker back the way he'd come and his little nose crinkled. "Can't I sleep with you tonight?"

What was I supposed to say to that? There was no way I was making that kid go sleep in a strange room in a strange house all by himself if he didn't want to. At least, that's what I told myself as I held out my arms to lift him onto the bed. Immediately Henry pressed his face into my chest and clung on, his tiny arms barely coming all the way around my sides.

"I love you, Emmy! Don't be sad!" He whispered.

I only just caught the muffled words but when I did it felt like my heart was sinking and swelling all at once. _This little boy isn't yours, Emily! _I tried to tell myself. _You're going to regret letting him in. _

But then, like mother like child, Henry had wormed his way into my heart a long time ago.

* * *

JJ arrived at my door just after 9:30, looking like she'd run there. She must have been out of the hospital as soon as she could find a doctor to sign her off. More tired than I realised, I'd managed to shower and dress Henry already but was still in pyjamas myself. I thanked my lucky stars that I'd chosen my most conservative pair, because I was already feeling self-conscious about my 'parenting'. Henry sat at my kitchen table with a big glass of juice and a comic with the sound of cartoons drifting in from the next room.

"I'll put on some coffee," I offered hesitantly as I smoothed my hands over my pyjamas. _What's that look in her eyes right now…?_

"Coffee would be great," came JJ's grateful reply. "What are we reading Henry?"

"Emmy bought me a comic at the shops," he declared. "_And_ she's got Iron Man III on DVD and we're all gonna watch it sometime!"

I blushed at JJ's silence, thankful my back was turned as I fussed needlessly with the coffee. Then, all at once, it was like my fantasy of the night before was being fulfilled. JJ's arms were around my waist before I realised she was even behind me. I tried to keep my body from tensing in surprise. When she spoke, I felt her breath against my neck.

"You do too much for us, Em."

I beat down my first instinct of brushing her comment aside and turned my head to give her a small smile. "JJ, I could never do enough for you and Henry," I replied honestly.

I watched as her eyes fell to my lips, now easily within reach, but was unsurprised and actually pretty relieved when she pulled away. We didn't need to confuse Henry any further than we already had. Still, the feeling of her arms around my stomach, warm through the thin layer of my silk pyjamas, was not one I would be forgetting easily…

"Well, breakfast is my treat," JJ retorted, throwing a grin at her son. "I hope you don't mind IHOP."

Seeing Henry's face light up, all I could think was that I could get so very used to this.


	4. Chapter 4: JJ

**Chapter 4: JJ's Perspective**

It was a Sunday morning and the local pancake joint was packed when Emily and I arrived. Henry sat on Emily's hip, having demanded to be picked up right out of the car. She spoiled the hell out of him, she always had. No wonder he wanted me to marry her. Glancing sideways at Emily, I wondered whether or not Henry had brought that up again during the night he'd spent at her house. I wouldn't put it past him - he was as persistent as kids got, my boy. Still, there was no way for us to talk openly with him around and it was going to get even harder when we went back to work tomorrow. I wondered if Emily and I would ever _really_ talk about that kiss in the alley. Maybe it would fade into irrelevancy with the passing of time, one more _what if_ to add to the lifetime of missed opportunities I had already accrued.

With one arm around Henry, Emily still managed to hold the door open for me. I was sure the whole restaurant was picking up on my blush, unlikely as that seemed. In fact, even the waitress who rushed by as we entered barely looked over at us. Spotting a few free seats up at the bar, we decided to go ahead and seat ourselves. Henry immediately slammed both of his tiny hands on the counter, a wide smile lighting up his face, and attracted the attention of the girl working behind it.

"Hey, kid!" she greeted him brightly. "You ready for some pancakes?"

"YES, MA'AM," Henry shouted. Thankfully the restaurant was loud enough already that he didn't stand out. The girl only grinned; her name tag read Wendy. She was probably about Daisy's age, 16 or 17. Henry was a real charmer when it came to teenage girls.

"All right, what can I getcha?"

"What's the best?" Emily asked, reaching for a menu.

"Mommy and me always get chocolate chip," Henry announced. "Mom, can I order?!" When I nodded he turned to Wendy, and said, very carefully, "Mommy and me will want the chocolate chip pancakes, please. And also two juices. That will be orange juices, please."

Wendy beamed and took down our order with a flourish. "And for you?" she asked Emily, who was still glancing through the menu.

Looking up, Emily caught Henry's eye. "Buddy, you don't mind ordering for me too, right?" she asked, to Henry's delight. Then she lowered her voice. "I'll have the blueberry pancakes and a cappuccino."

"My mum will want the blueberry pancakes and also a cappuccino, please," Henry recited, and I could tell from the way Emily's eyes widened that she hadn't been expecting that either.

"Won't be long," Wendy replied, seeming not to notice the sudden increase in tension between us, or maybe pretending not to, as she walked away.

"Henry, we talked about that," Emily said quietly and she wouldn't look at me. "You know your mom and I aren't really getting married. It was just a game. We thought you'd understand that."

Henry looked down at his hands, now pressed between his knees sullenly. "But I _want_ Emmy to be my mum," he mumbled. "Mommy, you said you love her so why can't she be?"

I was totally lost for words as Emily gently wrapped her arm around Henry, who was sitting between us.

"It's not that kind of love, baby," she told him. "I told you marriage is a big deal." I suddenly wished I'd been there to hear the conversation they'd had last night.

"I'm not dumb, Emmy, I know that!" Henry protested. "But don't you wanna be family with me and mommy?"

I watched as Emily pulled back and looked away, her back straightening perceptibly. Oh God, couldn't she just answer the question? I could see she was searching for an out, some way to escape with her pride, or maybe her heart, in tact.

"Em?" I pressed quietly.

When she looked at me again her eyes were open and vulnerable. "JJ, why are you looking at me like this is my decision? I- I don't even know what you're asking me…"

She was scared. I only hoped it was because Henry and I meant something to her. I hoped it was because she was afraid of messing this up… I placed my hand on Henry's shoulder for moral support and squeezed.

"Henry," I directed at him, because it was easier than talking to Emily. "You know how before people get married, they go on dates?"

"Yeah," Henry replied a little uncertainly.

I chewed my lip. Was this really the way to do it? "Maybe, if Emmy says yes, I could take her on a date? It wouldn't mean we were getting married, but… would you be okay with that?"

Henry turned straight to Emily and I saw her big, open eyes fall to rest on him lovingly. She was everything I wanted, I realised. And what a place to realise it: sitting at a counter in a restaurant, awaiting Sunday morning pancakes. She looked between us uncertainly and I tried to stem the feeling of shame that was rising in me for putting her in this position.

I swallowed. "You can say no, Emily," I told her. "But if you're interested, I'd really like to take you out."

"Okay," Emily whispered without letting on much. I wished I could reach across Henry, pull her into my arms, and kiss her until she knew I was serious. But being a mother meant having limits. I encouraged Henry's distraction by the arrival of the pancakes and for the rest of the meal we talked about silly, inconsequential things, and Henry stopped calling Emily _mum._

Afterwards we drove Emily home, since we'd all come in my car, and I didn't know how to say goodbye to her. Without knowing whether or not it was the right thing to do, I stepped out of the car for a moment, locking the doors behind me but keeping the window directly behind my back open for Henry's safety.

"Thanks for taking care of him last night," I began, although that was the last thing on my mind.

"You know I love Henry," Emily repeated her words from before and this time she let the full strength of those words show. "Jayj, I _really_ do, and I know this is awkward-"

"Em, do you want to go out with me?" I interrupted, stepping closer. "Please don't worry about Henry for a second. Just tell me, if none of this had happened and I asked you out, would you have said yes?"

In the next instant I felt her lips, soft and gentle, fall upon mine. Her eyes closed and her hand reached to touch my cheek and I followed suit. She kissed me deeply, sweetly, and too briefly. Her hand wavered as she drew back. I was relieved to open my eyes and find her smiling.

"Henry wants us to watch Iron Man III," she told me, "As a first date."

I brushed my lips softly against hers again, just for a second. "Maybe not as a _first_ date," I replied. "You and I need to figure this out on our own before we bring him into it. We don't want to get his hopes up."

"I hope you're not getting my hopes up either, Jen," Emily replied softly and I felt my heart flutter in response.

"_Your_ hopes…" I chuckled. "Em, I… It's not going to be me that pulls out of this."

"It's not going to be me either," Emily promised. Then, glancing back into the car, where Henry wasn't even pretending not to watch, she waved. "I'll see you at work tomorrow," she said.

I smiled back as I watched her step back towards the house. Was this really ok? Was this really happening?

"Yeah, Em. I guess you will…"

* * *

"We'll be fine," I felt the need to reassure Emily again on Monday morning. We almost always met on the way to work to pick up what would be the only good coffee we got all day, before walking the last block in together. "We just need to find somewhere quiet to go for an evening. Somewhere away from anyone we know, including Henry and the team." I took a breath in and tried to be casual about what came out of my mouth next. "I want to kiss you again, Em. I know at least that much."

"There's a far distance between thinking you want to kiss me again and your son calling me _mum_," Emily replied, voicing the fear I myself had, but sounding far more controlled about it than she had yesterday.

"I know it's a big jump, Em. I've told him not to do it again," I promised. "But I wouldn't mind, and I know Henry would really like it... if you were around more. You know, a bigger part of both of our lives. We can get past this awkward stage."

It was so hard to read her when she was back in that suit. Her hair was dead straight and neatly brushed, her fringe falling evenly across her forehead; her make-up was expertly but modestly applied; her black jacket perfectly matched to long black slacks with only the slightest characteristic flair at the bottom. The shirt she wore beneath the jacket was pinstriped and, I was pretty sure, buttoned an inch higher than usual too. I combed my hair back with my hands self-consciously. I had to do what she did. When we were going to work, I needed to compartmentalise the part of me that wanted her. Still, we weren't there _yet_...

I don't know what compelled me to pull Emily into an alley so close to our workplace, but the moment we were out of sight of the road it was her who had me up against the wall.

"Speaking about awkward stages…" she breathed against my cheek. "If you start letting me kiss you, I'm going to find it hard to stop."

I reached up one hand to touch her jaw, bringing our lips together softly. "So don't stop… The only thing I know right now is how much I need to feel you everywhere…"

"Everywhere is good…" Emily murmured. "But I hope we eventually get to try this someplace other than a dirty alleyway."

I opened my mouth in protest and felt her tongue press in hard. I still had a coffee in one hand, for God's sake, but I needed her badly. All I could think about lately was getting her alone, proving and reproving to myself just what this was. Her kiss was heavy and sensual, desperately explorative. I found myself running my free hand down her neck and clinging to her lapel as if at risk of falling. My eyes fluttered open briefly as she took both of our coffees and set them down before returning to kiss me, both hands running up and down my sides, her fingertips measuring my figure by touch.

As we began to gasp for breath, Emily attacked my neck with bites and kisses fuelled by what seemed like pure frustration. I tangled a hand in her sleek, dark hair and sighed falteringly. I knew this wasn't the place, knew it well, and yet here we were _again…_

_"Em,_" I breathed. "We have to get to work…"

I couldn't bite back a moan fast enough as Emily's teeth scraped down my neck. "I know," she sighed. "Fuck, Jennifer. Wy do I want you so much? It shouldn't be possible for me to be this turned on by a quick snog in an alleyway..."

Despite myself, I couldn't help laughing. "A _snog_, huh? Maybe Henry _should_ start calling you _mum._"

Emily blushed deeply but she didn't pull back.

"Em…" I felt I needed to warn her. "Henry is going to make this difficult for us. I already see so little of him because of our job. If you and me are going to do this, you're going to be seeing a lot of him and that's going to mean that.. _this_, what we're doing now, isn't always going to be easy. I understand if it's too much for you, when you stop and think about it…"

Emily only kissed me again, her touch gentle but reassuringly firm, in no way uncertain.

"JJ, I _have_ thought about this," she replied, scraping her fingers lightly through my hair and looking into my eyes as we drew apart. "I know that dating you means dating Henry too, and I know… I know it can't just be a spur of the moment decision. I never want to make things harder for you or him by messing up our relationship."

"I know, but Em-"

"_Jayj_." God, her eyes were almost black. I could've melted… "I wouldn't be doing this if I weren't prepared for the possibility that we may one day _want_ your boy to think of me as his mother."

Our coffees were long cold by the time I let her go.

It certainly wouldn't be the last time we turned up late to work with matching rumpled appearances, but thank God that morning no one noticed.


	5. Chapter 5: Emily

**Chapter 5: Emily's Perspective**

"What have you got there?"

What I had laid in front of me was the case file for a serial rapist in Massachusetts but I knew that wasn't really what Morgan wanted to know.

"Lunch time already?" I surmised from the fact that he was leaning over my desk looking ready to get a move on.

"I'm ready, aren't you?" he asked with a grin.

I glanced up towards JJ's office automatically and, of course, Morgan didn't miss it. "Already got plans?"

_Not going to blush. Nope._ "No, no plans," I replied evenly. "Lunch sounds great."

"We could ask JJ if you want," he hinted and I rolled my eyes.

"Why would we ask JJ? We always get lunch together," I replied nonchalantly. "Come on, I want a burger."

Morgan stepped back as I stood up, still smiling that teasing smile. "I know we do," he chuckled, "But aren't you the least bit curious about where JJ got that big ole hickey on her neck? I'd say it was you but she didn't have it at the hospital the other day."

I swallowed hard. "JJ's got a hickey?" I asked as if it didn't really affect me. _Fuck, I must have done it in the alley this morning._

"A big one," Morgan confirmed with a sideways glance up toward JJ's office. "Looks like you aren't the only girl or guy in her life! …Or are you?" he winked lazily and I rolled my eyes.

"Sure, Morgan, you believe that if you want to." I collected my bag from the floor and slung it over my shoulder. "But if you bring it up one more time, you're buying lunch."

* * *

Morgan bought lunch. He must have thought it was worth it to torment me. Amazing, the sort of liberties people take when they realise you're getting fond of them. Morgan was the first person I'd ever opened up to on the team about my personal life. He knew he'd wormed his way into my small circle of trusted friends and damn if he wasn't taking full advantage of that fact.

"All that flirting in the hospital," he insisted, dipping a french fry into his milkshake childishly. "You gonna tell me that was nothing?"

"We got in the habit because of the case," I replied casually. "We _did_ spend a good three hours pretending to be a couple the night before. It started to come naturally is all."

"Naturally enough that you kept it up in front of a team of profilers," Morgan chuckled. "That's a lot of confidence for a few hour's work, princess."

I shrugged, unable to fight back a grin. "All I can say is that it should be a dating technique: get two people close, get them to start calling each other pet names, start kissing each other. It gets comfortable fast. You just adapt."

I almost spat out my own drink as Morgan mused, "So by your book, Penelope and me are at second base…"

"Derek, are you—" I swallowed, composing myself. "Are you _into_ Garcia? I mean I know she's your best friend, but do you really…?"

Morgan hunched his shoulders over and pushed his straw around his glass with a look of total bravado on his face like he didn't give a shit either way. I could see straight through him. The realisation tore a burst of laughter from my chest.

"_Wow_… Derek Morgan, Supposed Sex God and Veritable Ladies Man, all choked up over a girl. I never thought I'd see the day!"

"Hey hey hey, don't say '_suppos-ed'_ like that!" Morgan grouched. "So what. I have a thing for Garcia. It's not a big deal."

"Okay, so I have a thing for JJ. That's not a big deal either," I fought back, levelling the playing field.

For a few seconds we just stared at each other: Morgan hunched over his milkshake defensively and me with my arms crossed. We both began to laugh and then it hit Morgan—

"So you _did_ give her that hickey! _Way to go, princess!_"

I buried my face in my arms in mock humiliation. "Okay, maybe I did. You can't tell anyone!"

"That means you spent yesterday with her," Morgan deduced with a sly smile.

I was not about to correct him and say it had happened this morning in a back alley about a block from where we were currently sitting. He definitely did not need that picture in his already too-prurient mind. I took a big bite of my burger and chewed slowly.

"Is it serious?" Morgan asked, leaning closer.

I continued to chew, drawing it out, then shrugged my shoulders. "I'm serious. She sounds like she is…"

Morgan marvelled at me, shaking his head. "And this only happened a couple of days ago, because of the case? I didn't even know you were both gay!"

"_I'm_ gay," I corrected him. "I don't know if JJ even thinks of herself as bi… That's the other thing. The cardinal rule of being a lesbian is that you don't fall for straight girls. Even if you can convince them to go out with you, it always means something different to them. You never know if they really like you or if they're just enjoying the illicitness of the relationship—a refreshing break from their usual string of men. You start getting serious and they run away because it's so much easier when it's just fucking and you don't have worry about _being gay_ and telling your friends and family... I mean Jayj has Henry to worry about!"

"Are you going to take her lady-virginity?" Morgan butted in, missing the point. Then he laughed and raised his hands in supplication as I glared at him. "I'm kidding! For real, though, princess—if I had to peg one of you as gay before today, it'd have been JJ."

"You're joking right?" I scoffed but Morgan shook his head.

"Hear me out," he explained. "Maybe you think you come across as butchy or masculine or something, the way you dress and walk. But at work it just comes across like you're trying to fit into a male-dominated workplace. And work-JJ is softer and more feminine, especially when she's on TV, but that's because it's her job to be the reassuring figure of authority. Then you get JJ out and you see her in jeans and a polo top playing darts with the guys and they're all more interested in her than she is in them… I mean, if we're working off a stereotype, I'd pick JJ."

"People aren't stereotypes. The butch/femme dichotomy is a myth, or it's something that gay people play into because it's there and they feel like they should or they want to broadcast themselves as possible partners, or because the way they feel comfortable looking and being just happens to fit into one of those categories—"

"Trust me, I _know_, Em," Morgan tried to reassure me. "I'm just saying that I wouldn't be worried about JJ not being interested in girls because, the way I see it, she's an even _more_ likely candidate than you… But you're gay, Em! Since when and why didn't you tell me!"

"Why would I tell you?" I replied, still a bit annoyed. "It's not like I'm bringing dates into the BAU. Anyway, I probably would've told you if there was anyone serious…"

"But that doesn't extend to JJ?"

I sighed, chewing my lip. "Morgan, what happens when everyone finds out I'm dating a member of the team? When _Hotch_ finds out, in particular…"

"I see what you mean," Morgan agreed, then was silent.

"Are you going to tell me when you started having real feelings for Garcia?"

Morgan dipped another fry into his milkshake idly. "I dunno, princess. They're just there… I know I wasn't _in love_ with her when I met her or anything, but I have no idea when it crossed the line."

"And you're planning on doing… nothing about that," I gathered with a wry smile. "I didn't think you were such a wimp."

"I'm not a wimp," he protested. "I'm just protecting what we already have."

Moving his milkshake away from his nervous fingers, I made sure Morgan was looking at me. "If you think there is _any_ way Penelope Garcia would turn you down if you asked her out, you really are deluded."

He shrugged honestly. "I don't know. And even if she didn't turn me down, it'd take a lot of figuring things out for us to get a different kind of relationship to work after all this time."

"Please," I snorted. "I know you're scared of losing her as a friend but you've been acting like a couple since before I knew you. When I met you, I thought you _were_ a couple, and boy, I did not bring it up, but you were so jealous when she was dating Kevin, just like she gets jealous of your _many_ girlfriends!"

"Kevin was bad for her. I don't know what she saw in him," Morgan grumbled, and it was honestly such a funny picture, seeing him so rattled.

"Um, maybe she enjoyed the fact that he actually showed an interest in her?" I suggested. "The fact that your work paths cross often enough to make you jealous may also have been a factor in her stringing him along!"

"Hang on, first we're acting like a couple, now I'm not showing enough of an interest!"

"Come on, Derek," I sighed. "The whole BAU knows Garcia's got a real thing for you. What they assume, and probably she does too, is that you're just playing with her. _That's_ why you're getting nowhere."

"Sometimes it feels like that girl is playing me," Derek replied, but I knew he didn't mean it. Garcia had the brains to manipulate you any way she chose but she was far too good a person to do that where it mattered.

"All I'm saying is ask her on a date," I conceded. "If she says no _I'll _buy lunch next time. …And quit dipping your fries in your shake. You're not five."


	6. Chapter 6: Emily

**AN./ Sorry it's coming a bit slowly lately! I'm bogged down with work until Friday but hopefully my procrastination will work in your favour ;) –Bec xx**

**Chapter 6: Emily's Perspective**

I'd never been this messed up over what to wear on a date in my life. I got home from work at the usual time, figured I'd catch up on some reading for a while to de-stress, then jump in the shower and wing the outfit choice, and yet... Standing in front of my closet, it may as well have been empty.

"Wear the red halter dress with the deep v-neck," Garcia instructed me over the phone. "It's just flouncy enough to be smoking hot but also a little bit cute and not too formal. Plus it makes your waist look insane."

I thumbed past the hanger, shaking my head. "Pen, I can't wear that! It's my date dress!"

"Oh my god, you're right. What was I thinking? Going on a date, can't wear the date dress... How'd I ever make it into the F-B-I!"

"Enough of that wit," I sighed, a smile edging at my lips. "I mean, it's my _date_ dress, Pen. I wear it when I want to get laid and this is strictly dinner. I've got to get her back by 10 so Daisy can get to bed at a decent time."

"Aww, 10's way to responsible an hour for a first date," Penelope whined. "You should've told me. I would've watched Henry!"

"Responsible, that's the plan," I muttered, still rummaging in my closet. "What could I wear that would say, like... _I respect the fact that you're a single mom and need to get home but I also kind of want to turn you on and wouldn't mind making out with you in the car outside your place for a bit?"_

Garcia burst out laughing. "Forget the outfit!" she giggled. "Just make that same speech to JJ, word for word. Please!"

"Not helping Penelope!"

"Ooh, I'm sorry..." Garcia took a moment to sober up, but she couldn't get the amusement all the way out of her voice. "How about... Hey, you know that reeeeally dark blue blouse? Not the blue one you wear to work. I mean the thin, silky one you wore to our Girls' Night maybe three weeks ago? Classy but still _screams_ 'fuck me'. Pair it with black pants - preferably tight jeans but I know you like your wide-legged slacks and, boy, do you rock them - and maybe a big-ish pendant, if you have one, something eye-catching right above the boobs. That should do it."

"You're a legend," I laughed. "I'm going to get dressed then I'll send you a snap and you can confirm?"

"Of course, and oh- isn't that good timing! I've just got JJ on the other line," Garcia chuckled.

"JJ? Why?" I asked too quickly. I'd already set the phone on speaker and was halfway into the 'fuck me' shirt of Garcia's choosing.

"Little miss nosy, aren't we!" she teased. "Don't fret your sexy little head. I'm willing to bet she's after outfit advice too. You girls! What would you do without me? Send me that pic in a minute. Penelope out."

The phone rang again just as I was tying a necklace on - a mother of pearl seashell on a thin black velvet string. I was quietly pleased with my choice. The dark velvet was eye catching and complemented the shimmery quality of the silk shirt Garcia had chosen. And of course, its purpose of highlighting my cleavage was well performed. I briefly toyed with the idea of releasing another button on my shirt, but the phone call I got then quickly put a stop to that thought.

"Jayj?" My breath caught as I answered.

"Em." I didn't like the tone of her voice. "I'm really sorry to do this but we've been recalled. It's an emergency. Missing six-year-old boy in New Orleans. Wheels up the minute everyone gets here."

-

"Aunty Emmy! We're going to see daddy!" came Henry's voice as I entered the bullpen - the last thing I'd expected.

JJ stood with her back to me and spoke to Hotch in a lowered voice but she turned around as Henry yelled out. "I'm dropping him off with Will," she explained. "I don't like asking Daisy to stay the night and since we'll be in New Orleans anyway..."

"You don't have to explain," I replied, surprised. "Hey, buddy. You ready to ride the jet?"

"Will you sit next to me?" Henry asked.

I glanced at JJ. "Sorry, Henry. We're going to have a lot to talk about on the plane. I'm sure your mom will get you some headphones and put on a DVD."

"It's getting close to your bedtime anyway. Right, Henry?" JJ pointed out, to which Henry gave a reluctant nod. I could see she was uncomfortable having him around while we were working, especially on a child abduction case, but it was unavoidable. What I found more difficult was keeping myself from comforting her or paying more attention to Henry. We had to be able to maintain our working relationship—'fuck me' shirt or no 'fuck me' shirt. I tried not to notice that JJ too was dressed very impressively. It would have to wait.

Morgan and Reid walked in then and, looking around, I saw Garcia and Rossi waiting nearby.

"Avengers Assembled, mom!" Henry announced, realising at the same time as I did that we were all here and accounted for. It was time to get in the air.

-

There was no way Hotch didn't notice that JJ and I were the only members of the team dressed to go out so early in the evening - not after what he'd seen in the alley the other night. Blessedly, he didn't mention it, but he gave me a subtly approving look as I chose the empty seat beside Morgan rather than sitting where there was room for JJ to join me. When Henry was tucked in and had been fitted out with headphones at the back of the plane, JJ returned and sat across the aisle, immediately re-opening her file without so much as a look my way.

"Andy Müller," Hotch stated as Reid hastily took the seat beside him. Rossi dropped into the chair across from JJ at the same time. "He's a six-year-old boy from New Orleans, missing from his bedroom as of approximately one hour ago, sometime between 5:45 and 6:15 pm. Dad sent him to his room so he could get the couple's three-month-old daughter to sleep. When mom came to get Andy for dinner at 6:15 he was gone."

"That's a risky time to abduct a child," I pointed out. "It's only just starting to get dark and the parents are obviously going to check on a boy that age before they go to bed. Why not wait 'til everyone's asleep and nobody will notice the disappearance 'til morning?" 

"For all we know, the unsub only had a few minutes headstart before Andy was discovered missing," JJ added. "Half an hour, maximum. He must have been pretty confident about getting the boy out."

"The parents didn't hear anything or see signs of a struggle?" Morgan asked.

"Nothing," Hotch reported. "But it's hardly difficult to subdue a boy that age."

"Before he has a chance to scream?" Morgan was dubious.

"Only 24% of child abductions are perpetrated by strangers to the family," Reid stepped in. "The majority, 49%, are classed family abductions and are usually committed by a parent or other close relative. The remaining 27% are acquaintance abductions. Although both parents are accounted for, the highest odds are that the boy was taken by someone known to him, in which case he mightn't have felt the need to scream."

"Okay," Morgan conceded. "He might not have screamed but even if an uncle or a neighbour climbs into this kid's window and says to come with him, chances are he's going to want to let his parents know first. I mean, this kid is six, right? At the very least he'll want to know why the guy didn't use the front door?"

"He didn't need the boy the come quietly," Hotch said. "He just needed to get close enough to the boy without startling him to knock him out or get a hand over his mouth. A six-year-old hasn't got a chance against a grown man."

I watched Hotch's face as he spoke. Dealing with child abduction is different when you have a child of your own, especially one close in age to the victim. It's worse in every way. I knew Hotch couldn't be unaffected because I was feeling the same discomfort—the unrelenting tightness of the stomach, the intermittent nausea. Henry wasn't even my son but I found myself throwing protective glances over my shoulder, checking on him as often as JJ did, if not more often.

How did you ever get used to that? Working at the BAU made the prospect of bringing a child into the world feel something like that of throwing Daniel into the lion's den. Still, Hotch's words came out clearly and objectively and JJ was no less controlled. I guess that's where doing this job long enough gets you.

"Most child abductors fall between the ages of 20 and 39," JJ was saying as I finished analysing our boss's composure. Her brow was furrowed and she was peering at a picture of the crime scene in her file. "Look at the size of that window. If a fully-grown man got in there, it was tight squeeze. And carrying a six-year-old out as well...? There are so many more controlled ways you could abduct a child. It doesn't make sense."

It was true. As child abductors went this guy was either a rookie or so experienced he considered himself invincible.

"So maybe he lured the kid to the window and pulled him out," I suggested. "Easy enough if you're someone the boy knows. A teacher, a neighbour, or an uncle…"

"'Hey, Andy, come here. I've got something to show you'," Morgan says, nodding in agreement. "Andy comes within reach, the unsub covers his mouth and pulls him out the window. It'd take maybe a minute and it wouldn't leave any evidence inside the room."

"What's outside the window?" Rossi asked.

"Hard to tell from the photo... Backyard?" JJ replied, glancing over at Hotch, who was equally uncertain.

"When we land all of us will head to the house. JJ, you and Morgan can talk to the boy's parents and see what the locals have got, profile the inside of the house. Dave and I will take a look outside, check out the garden and the street, see if there's anywhere the unsub could've hidden or watched the boy from. Emily and Reid, I want you to canvass the neighbours, see if anyone saw anything suspicious—a man lingering around the house or an unfamiliar car parked nearby, anything that could be of use."

He was looking at me as he finished, so I answered with a "Yes, sir."

"I don't need to tell any of you how important it is to move on this." Hotch's tone was still level but no longer quite so calm; his expression was dark, quietly intense.

One hard look at Reid stopped the statistic ready to roll off his tongue.


	7. Chapter 7: JJ

**AN./ SORRY this chapter has taken so long! It's been semi-done for a little while, but I had to stop and think about a few things with where it's going, and of course I've been working on other things too. I'll try to update more quickly next time – I definitely haven't abandoned this! Also, 96 followers? Holy hell. I'll try not to disappoint! -Bec xx**

**Chapter 7: JJ's Perspective**

From the airport I drove directly to Will's house while Emily sat with Henry in the back seat. He'd woken up briefly when we landed but by the time we reached Will's less than twenty minutes later he'd fallen asleep again, this time on Emily's shoulder.

"Here, pass him to me," I whispered, opening the back door as quietly as possible. "I'll run him inside."

"It's easier if I bring him, Jen. He's already asleep on me."

It didn't take much manoeuvring for her to wrap her other arm around Henry and pull him up onto her shoulder. He slept on, and I stepped back out of the way as she shimmied across the seat, putting out a hand to steady her as she climbed out of the car.

It was so natural, the way she held Henry. I know she worried sometimes about how she handled him, whether she coddled him too much or not enough, how I would've handled a question he asked her if I were in her place. Still, anyone could see she was devoted to him and at that moment, seeing his little blonde head pressed into her neck, his face half hidden in her dark curls… It was a perfect image. In amongst all the rushing and the chaos of this missing little boy, those two were mine. They were safe. The last thing I wanted just then was to hand Henry over to Will but it was unavoidable.

It was his wife, Melissa, who opened the door. She looked at Emily first and almost greeted her before seeing me and apparently deciding against it. "Jennifer. I'll get Will."

"It's okay, Melissa, we're in a hurry," I interrupted, trying not to come across as rude. I could hear Will playing with Melissa's daughter Chloe in the next room but I couldn't face a big reunion on the doorstep. Although we'd been much kinder to each other since the divorce was finalised, things were still uneasy between us. I can't say I'd have kept in touch if it weren't for the son we shared. "I've written down the name of the motel we're staying at and the phone number there, but we won't be in until late tonight. You have my cell…"

Now Melissa was the one to interrupt. "Don't worry, Jen," she reassured me, sounding almost amused. "I'm not a rookie at this whole childrearing gig. We'll manage Henry fine for as long as you're in town—got everything we need right here." Now she turned her attention to Emily. "I'm sorry, I don't think we've met."

Well, _no_. Introducing my ex-husband's new wife to my colleagues hadn't exactly been on the top of my list of things to do, let alone introducing her to someone I'd been crushing on myself…

"Oh, Melissa, this is Emily," I said, trying to sound casual, and the pause that followed the truncated introduction was painful. I honestly _wanted_ to introduce her as my girlfriend but it was so recent and I didn't think Will should find out through her. "We… We work together," I finished lamely. "Em, this is Will's wife, Melissa. Um, that's great. Thanks, Melissa. We should be going…"

"It's nice to meet you, Emily," Melissa replied, still with that faint hint of amusement edging her voice. "All right, well I'll take Henry."

A brief moment of hesitation and a glance my way, then Emily handed him over carefully.

"I'll call to let you know how we're going," I promised, and Melissa nodded, closing the door as we turned away.

For a moment I was sure Emily was going to mention my introducing her as a colleague but she didn't say a word. As we got into the car, she told me that Melissa had seemed nice and that she was sure Henry would have a ball with little Chloe. Relief washing over me, I leaned across the gearshift and kissed her hard, then pulled back just as quickly and apologised. After that we didn't talk.

* * *

When we arrived at the Müller house around 9:45 pm, the others were already standing in the front yard. The front door was ajar and a local detective I recognised as Dustin Barker stood on the doorstep. I groaned internally. He was a friend of Will's; he'd been at our wedding.

"Jennifer," he called, inclining his head toward Emily and I as we approached. "I wanna say I'm glad t'see you. If only the circumstances were better." His voice softened. "Y'look good, Jen."

"Detective Barker, this is Agent Prentiss. I'm sorry we're late," I replied, returning his nod. "How are Andy's parents holding up?"

"About as well as you'd expect," Barker sighed. "I've got an officer in with them now if you wanna join her."

"Agent Morgan and I will head inside," I agreed, recalling Hotch's plan. "Prentiss and Reid will talk to the neighbours. Would you mind showing Rossi and Hotch which window is Andy's from the outside?"

Barker looked surprised but nodded again and Morgan and I stepped past him into the house.

"Are you the FBI? Did you find him?" a woman's voice inquired the moment we stepped into the living room.

The speaker was young, blonde, and thin to the point of being wiry. She held a baby wrapped in pink tightly against her chest and her eyes were wide and red-rimmed. She appeared tense, hyper-vigilant. It struck me that perhaps she should put the baby down, but then who could blame her for clinging to one child after losing the other.

"Mrs Müller, I'm Agent Jareau. You can call me Jennifer," I explained. "This is Derek Morgan. We're with the FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit."

"Have you found him?" Mrs Müller ground out. "They said they were getting the best down here. Have you found my boy?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs Müller. We've only just arrived," I replied awkwardly.

The female officer who had been talking to the Müllers gave us a grimly sympathetic smile. I gathered she was having difficulty with the parents. I was already seeing signs that Mrs Müller wouldn't be easy to deal with.

"Officer Grace Lisbourne," she introduced herself. "You can call me Liz. Thanks for coming so quickly."

"It's been more than three hours," Mrs Müller groaned and it was a strange sound that came out of her mouth. High-pitched yet guttural. I couldn't imagine what she was feeling, or if I could I didn't want to. At least I knew Henry was well-protected with Will.

"We've had to fly in from Virginia, ma'am," Morgan told her gently. "But I promise now we're here we're going to do everything in our power to find your son."

"Andy," Mr Müller volunteered—the first I'd heard from him. "His name's Andy. He's six. About four feet tall. He has brown hair and brown eyes and—"

"It's okay, Mr Müller," I interrupted gently. "We already have all of that information. Maybe you can help us by showing us Andy's room?"

"Roger," Mr Müller said. "I'm Roger, and this is my wife Ursula. The police have already been through Andy's room. They didn't find anything." He stood and spread his hands entreatingly. "There was no blood or anything so he must be okay, right?"

This was the hardest question for us to answer and Morgan responded by ignoring it completely. "We look for different things than the police," he answered Mr Müller's first comment.

Roger's arms were crossed over his chest defensively as he led us down the hall. "What kind of things?" he asked. His wife and Officer Lisbourne, Liz, followed us, Liz providing a steadying hand on Ursula Müller's arm.

"We're behavioural profilers," Morgan explained again, giving no outward sign of just how used he was to having to justify our discipline to victims' families. "From Andy's room we can get a picture of who he is and what might have made him a target to an abductor. The more we know, the better the chance we have of finding him."

Morgan's voice trailed off as he took in the room. This was his specialty. I took on the task of questioning the parents.

"Mr and Mrs Müller, can you think of anyone that's shown a particular interest in Andy? Maybe someone you pass by a lot—a neighbour, a clerk at a store, someone you see regularly at his school or the park? Maybe someone who makes an effort to talk to him or made either of you feel uncomfortable?"

"The only neighbours we're close to are the Johnsons across the road," Mr Müller replied, sounding defensive. "They've got a kid just a bit older than Andy. Apart from them, there's no one but the old lady in number 86 who's fond of him. He goes 'round there sometimes. Ursula doesn't like it because she thinks it's too much for her."

"Well it is," Mrs Müller snapped, rocking the baby in her arms compulsively. The child didn't look comfortable but it seemed to know better than to cry. Its eyes were open and blinking like it was taking everything in. "Mrs Peters is 83. She's not on her feet much anymore. Usually she only leaves the damn house to buy chocolate for Andy. I told him not to bother her. _Hey_— What's he doing? _You_, get off that!"

Morgan had jumped up onto the windowsill and was trying to manoeuvre his body outside. "No way the unsub got in here," he stated plainly, ignoring the shrill voice of Andy's mother. "The window's too narrow and high off the ground. I can just about get through but there's no way I could do it before a kid realised what I was up to. By the time the unsub got in, Andy would have had time to scream or leave the room."

"What does that mean?" Mr Müller snapped. "You think we're lying about what happened to our son?"

Ursula's eyes widened and she clutched the baby tighter. Not for the first time, I wished somebody would relieve her of it.

"No one's suggesting that, ma'am," I replied as soothingly as I could. "A more likely possibility is that the man who took your son was somebody he knew. It's far more common than a stranger abduction. He might have walked over to the window to see what this man wanted and been pulled outside before he could react."

"How do you know it's a man?" Officer Lisbourne asked. The notepad in her hands showed that she wasn't questioning our judgment but trying to learn from it and Morgan answered her seriously.

"Women abductors tend to go after newborns. At the age of 6, the statistics fall highly in favour of a male abductor," he explained.

Morgan got the call then and the shift in his expression told me everything I needed to know.

Less than half an hour after we arrived at the house, Andy Müller was found dead.

* * *

Hotch and Rossi were first to arrive at the scene. They'd been with Detective Barker when he received word of what could have been a body wrapped in a sheet dumped in a ravine off the nearest highway. The three of them had left immediately to check it out, instructing the responding officer not to touch a thing.

Emily and Reid were called as soon as the body dump was confirmed. It was unlikely that the unsub could've dumped the boy's body and made it back in time to talk to them, so the records they'd made of which neighbours they'd talked to would be useful in narrowing down possible suspects. Unfortunately since it was late evening by then, the number of doors going unanswered was increasingly. Elderly women like Mrs Peters, for example, didn't tend to open their doors to strangers after a certain answer.

Still, Emily and Reid arrived at the dumpsite before Morgan and I. It was hard for us get away but eventually we left the Müllers in Officer Lisbourne's care and drove on up the highway.

When I arrived, Emily pulled me aside. "JJ, you don't want to see this."

Her voice was hoarse and I knew where she was coming from but it still struck a nerve. "Nobody _wants _to see this," I snapped. "Don't tell me what I can and can't handle."

"I'm not saying you couldn't handle it," Emily promised, grabbing my arm to keep me from leaving. "I'm saying you don't have to. No one would think less of you."

I shook her off. "A six-year-old boy was murdered tonight, Emily. You're wasting time worrying about me."

Emily faltered, her face showing unguarded anxiety. I felt bad about snapping at her but I needed to know that I could do this job no matter what kind of victim was involved. I knew she'd have done the same.

"JJ," Emily pleaded. "We're going back to the motel once we've finished up here. Will you at least let me come to your room after?"

"What?" I hadn't thought nearly that far ahead.

"I'm not okay," she admitted, low enough that no one else could hear. "And you won't be either once you see that body. Don't deny it. I don't want to be lying across the hall all night worrying about you. Will you let me in?"

I knew I should say no. We were on a case. We had to be professional about our relationship. Still, I found myself nodding, a knot of anxiety forming in my stomach. Emily's hand brushed my arm again—a supportive gesture this time—and I took a deep breath before joining the others.

As Hotch looked up and saw me approaching I could see the intent forming on his lips to tell me not to look. A quick nonverbal exchange with Emily, who was following behind me, told him it would be no use. He looked nauseous himself and walked away soon after. When I saw the body, I understood why.

* * *

I'd asked to see him, I reminded myself as I hugged my arms to my chest, pacing across my motel room. I had no right to be disturbed or upset. I needed to be able to function as an agent on this case. Still, I was on the verge of tears when Emily knocked on the door. She wore pyjamas and had with her a change of clothes for the morning. I realised that she didn't plan on leaving me tonight and that filled me with both gratitude and fear. It would only take a member of the team coming to my door with a lead during the night or early morning for us to be caught together. Yet I fell into her arms the moment the door was closed behind her.


	8. Chapter 8: Emily

**AN./ Please note the rating change. If you're not keen to indulge your inner perv, I'd recommend skipping the end of this chapter! -Bec xx**

**Chapter 8:** Emily's Perspective

JJ shook in my arms as she slept. I didn't know how to stop it. Spooning myself behind her, I tried running my hands up and down her arms, then holding her around the waist. I tried kissing her neck, her shoulders, and resting my head against her back. She didn't stop shaking, but at one point she awoke properly and turned to face me. Our eyes met and she placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"I don't know what to do," I admitted, stroking a hand through her fine hair. "Tell me how to help you."

JJ shook her head, unsure, and took a deep breath in, trying to calm her body down. Fisting her hands into my t-shirt, she pulled herself in closer and lay her head against my chest. I could feel my heart beating against her. She must have felt it too.

"You _are_ helping me," she murmured. "Keep— Keep playing with my hair like that..."

I did as I was asked, dropping a kiss onto her hairline to let her know I'd heard.

"I swear to god, when I get my hands on the son of a bitch who killed that little boy..." She whispered.

Whatever the end of that sentence was meant to be, I was sure I'd help her get away with it.

* * *

At the precinct, JJ was completely professional. Will was there working, although on a different case, and she greeted him cordially as they passed each other. She didn't linger with anyone, running around like the perfect diplomat she was. Her ability to keep her anxiety in during the day was amazing. No wonder it leaked out of her in shivers through the night.

"None of the neighbours we spoke to last night had seen anything out of the ordinary," I was saying as she caught up with the rest of us. "People usually notice strange cars on their street or people lurking outside their neighbours' houses."

"We already knew it was likely to be someone the boy was familiar with," Morgan pointed out. "Maybe the neighbours are familiar with him too. He could live in the area."

Of course Reid could back this up with a statistic. "Only 5% of stranger abductions occur in the child's home or backyard. That leaves a 95% probability that Andy was abducted by someone he'd seen or met before."

"It may be a long shot," JJ said. "But I'd like to go back and talk to Amelia Peters in number 86."

I checked my notes. "No one answered the door there last night."

"She's elderly," JJ explained. "Apparently she had a soft spot for Andy. Mrs Müller said she barely left the house if it wasn't to buy the boy chocolate and he liked to visit her. Like I said, it's a long shot but he may have told her about someone who seemed strange or a little too interested in him."

"Little boys that age thrive on other people's interest," I pointed out. "They want to befriend the whole world."

It took me a moment to decipher the look JJ was giving me. ...Well, _duh_, Emily. Of course JJ already knew that.

"Still," she said. "Maybe he mentioned someone."

"It's worth asking," Hotch affirmed. "Take Morgan with you. Prentiss, Reid-I want you down at the school talking to the principal. Dave and I will talk to Andy's teacher and friends."

When JJ's path crossed mine again midway through the afternoon she looked worse for wear around the eyes. Her patchy sleep—like mine, I was sure—was beginning to show. We found her sitting with Morgan at the precinct once we returned from Andy's school.

"Did you learn anything from Mrs Peters?" I asked as Rossi, Reid, Hotch, and I drew up chairs. It had been my idea to stop for coffee on the way back and Reid handed one to Morgan as I passed a large cappuccino to JJ.

I watched her bite back a grateful sigh as she took the warm drink in both hands. "Andy came by her apartment a few times a week," she told us. "She heard the commotion last night but she didn't know he was missing until this morning when she heard he'd been killed. Andy was pretty much the only company she ever got. Her son's driving in from interstate and I had a chance to speak to him on the phone. Apparently she'd been resisting moving into a care facility but he thinks she'll give in now that Andy's gone."

"Turns out Andy _had_ been mentioning someone new in his life but it wasn't an adult," Morgan said, taking over the narrative. "It was an older kid. Mrs Peters thought he went to Andy's school but she couldn't be sure."

"If it was a kid, that might explain why Andy went to the window," Reid suggested. "He may even have left the house willingly if an older boy told him it was cool."

"Did Mrs Peters say if he'd mentioned the older boy's name?" Hotch asked and JJ shook her head.

"But he has to be old enough to drive," Rossi pointed out. "The body was found off the highway."

"In Ohio you can get a learner's permit at 15.5 years old," Reid offered. "Although learners are supposed to be supervised if they're under the age of 18."

Morgan dialled Garcia and put her on speaker. "Baby girl, I need you to pull some names for me."

"I can _definitely_ help you pull, hot stuff," came Garcia's chirpy reply. "Whaddaya need?"

"Can you get me a list of kids at Andy's school who hold either a learner's permit or a driver's license?"

"Doing it now…" Garcia replied. "Yep—got it! How may I cross check for you today?"

"This kid would have been in trouble before," Morgan answered. "Possibly with the police but definitely with the school."

"Sorry, sugar. 'Naughty kids' doesn't really narrow it down a lot. I'm gonna need something else."

"Garcia, Morgan and I met a boy at the school who was asking a lot about what we were doing there," I inserted. "I think his name was Luke or maybe Luca?"

A few taps and Garcia declared, "I've got three Lukes, one Luca. Evans, Fitzpatrick, O'Connor, and Jackson."

"Brown hair, caucasian," Morgan remembered.

"Yeah, that's two of the four. Freckles?"

Morgan glanced at me and I shook my head. "No. I think he was tanned."

"Luke Evans," Garcia concluded. "Boy number 1. He hasn't got a criminal record but he's not exactly a favourite amongst his teachers either. Says here he was suspended last year for bringing a knife to school. Teacher caught him using it to open a can. Figured he was just trying to impress his friends but the school has a strict policy about bringing weapons onto campus. Sounds like he was lucky he didn't get expelled. These are the times, my friends..."

"Can you find any connection between Luke Evans and Andy Müller?" Hotch asked, but Garcia wasn't hopeful.

"These are kids, they're not exactly leaving paper trails..." She sighed. But she reconsidered almost immediately. "I stand corrected. Ladies and germs, looks like it's this simple: they live on the same street. Luke Evans lives with dad Bill at 91 Rosenberg Drive, which is—"

"Right next door to Mrs Peters," Reid finished, glancing up from one of his omnipresent maps. "He probably saw Andy come and go all the time."

"Call Detective Barker," Hotch replied with a swift nod. "Tell him we're on our way over."

* * *

As it turned out, Luke Evans had left school without permission not long after we'd spoken to him and he hadn't returned home since as far as any of his neighbours were aware. His father Bill worked long hours and had barely crossed paths with his son in days.

By the time evening fell, we still had no idea where this kid had disappeared to and we were forced to return to the motel with nothing. I barely thought twice before crossing the hall to JJ's room—although I waited until I thought the others were unlikely to call on either of us. JJ didn't seem surprised to see me.

"I don't know how one kid does something like this to another," she admitted without looking at me. She was sitting at a small table in the corner of the room having a staring contest with an unopened mini bottle of scotch. I took the liberty of returning it to the bar fridge while she watched in resignation. "I want to see Henry, Em."

I glanced at the clock. It was 10:30 already. By the time we got to Will's, if we left now, it would be eleven and Henry had probably been in bed since nine. But as I pulled up a chair beside her I realised JJ wasn't really suggesting we go and visit her son.

"It's so hard to have to leave him," she confessed. "I explain it by saying we help little boys just like him, but when we can't save them... Em, how am I supposed to justify constantly leaving my son when I can't even protect the people I'm rejecting him for?"

I knew there'd be no use trying to tell her it wasn't a rejection. I'd seen the same guilt manifest in many of my colleagues with small children—not least of all, Hotch. Instead of trying to convince her, I raised a hand to stroke her back soothingly and pulled her closer to cry against my shoulder.

"I'm going to stay again tonight," I murmured into her hair. "Don't argue. I know you don't _need_ me to, but I want to, okay?"

JJ nodded wordlessly, a muffled whimper escaping her lips in lieu of an answer.

"Henry loves you so much, JJ," I promised her. "And he knows you love him too. When you're home you're entirely focused on him and he can tell. I swear to you. There isn't a fleck of doubt in that little boy's mind that he has the best mom in the whole world."

"He loves both of us." She said it so quietly I barely heard her.

"Jayj?"

"He wants you to be his mom, Em," she reminded me. "Does that bother you?"

I couldn't keep the surprise from showing on my face. "Baby, it doesn't bother me at all. It actually _amazes_ me. And I couldn't love Henry any more if he were my own son."

"Just don't leave us, Em," JJ sighed. "Henry's not the only one who has higher hopes than he's got a right to have…"

I stood up then and raised JJ to her feet too, pulling her into my chest. "Hey, you hope as high as you want to," I told her. "I'm not leaving unless you ask me to. Why on earth would I?"

JJ didn't answer but I knew she could think of a host of reasons. I was going to be rebutting them for a long time, but that didn't bother me. Plaintively, she laid a kiss against my lips and when I responded she fisted her hand in my shirt to drag me in closer. "Why do you have to be so fucking perfect?"

I wanted to protest, to tell her just how far from the truth that was, but more than that I wanted to show her just how much I loved and treasured her—how much I needed her. I stepped backwards toward the bed and as I sat I pulled her into my lap. She followed willingly and barely released my lips for a moment.

"This is the definition of what we shouldn't be doing while on a case together," I breathed as she immediately reached for the hem of my shirt, but I still didn't stop her from pulling it over my head.

"I honestly don't care," JJ answered. Her voice was regaining some of its strength and as I opened my mouth to speak again she silenced me with a kiss. "No. I _really_ don't care, Em."

"I just want to make sure you remember Morgan is only two doors down and the rest of the team isn't far either," I felt compelled to say, but once she acknowledged that, I gave in easily. "Hmm… We'll have to be quiet…"

"I can be quiet," JJ promised, giving my bottom lip a teasing nip with her teeth. "Can you?"

Fuck. _Could_ I? I guessed we were about to find out. Quiet wasn't usually a strong point with me. Already I was fighting back a moan as JJ flattened her hands against my stomach and pushed me down onto the bed. The look she shot me as she climbed over me was almost predatory. Without warning she dropped her head to my chest and closed her mouth over a nipple through the fabric of my bra. Her fingers stroked up my side and behind my back to unclasp it and I arched upwards to make it easier for her. When my bra was gone she resumed her activity with the opposite breast, giving it a hard suck, and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out.

I tried to pull her up to my lips again, wanted to start undressing _her,_ but she held my arms in place. Oh god, was she testing me or something? Whatever she wanted, I knew I'd do it. She just had to ask. My breath was coming out hard and the feeling of her holding me down while she kissed and sucked and nipped her way across my body was unexpected and so, so hot. If she needed to feel in control tonight, I was happy to let her. But I wanted to touch her too.

I tugged feebly at my hands, pinned tightly by my head, and stared down at JJ until she gave in and met my eyes. "Can I touch you?" I pleaded. My voice came out in a choked whine that brought a satisfied smirk to her lips.

"Not yet," she answered, but she did release my arms and pull back to remove her own shirt and bra. I reached for her instinctively and she shied away, shaking her head. Her silky blonde hair fell in soft wisps around her face and she was beautiful. God, she was so beautiful...

I tilted my head back in compliance as JJ shifted further down my body, peppering my stomach with light kisses while her hands dipped to unbutton my pants. I swallowed hard.

"Jayj, I need to touch you _now_…"

Her exposed breasts were hanging down toward me and when she leaned back up to kiss my lips, I took the chance to palm them roughly. Her nipples were firm, pressing into the back of my hands, and I relished the gasp that escaped from her mouth into mine. Her hands disappeared into my hair and I kissed her with everything I had, like we were the only two people in the world, let alone the motel. I enjoyed being able to tut disapprovingly as she let out too loud a moan.

JJ's skirt had already ridden all the way up her thighs as she straddled me but I wanted it gone completely. "Please…?" I begged, running my fingers around the waistband and thankfully JJ nodded. I helped her out of the skirt, while she renewed her attempts to rid me of my trousers. Her hot skin against mine was intoxicating and when she leaned close enough I sucked hard against her collarbone.

"No way," she gasped. "Em, you gave me the darkest hickey the other day..."

I only sucked harder and bit down as she groaned, her hips grinding helplessly into mine. "You're mine," I whispered as I released her and fuck, it was so satisfying. "Jennifer, I'm _never_ letting you go. Believe me. You are Henry are everything to me."

JJ's gaze was dark and heavy and wanting, but there was love in there too. When she kissed me again it started slow but it was deep and intense and the heat built quickly from there. Before I could react her hand had slipped in between my legs to press against the damp fabric of my panties. Curiously she felt around with her fingers, finding the spot that made me gasp and raise my hips up toward her. Then she slid my panties down my legs and made the most impossibly arousing sound as she slipped two fingers through my wet slit.

"Emily!" she whined. "Oh god, you are so— _hmmm…_"

My pussy throbbed as she used her dampened fingers to circle my clit. Everything was white-hot heat and I pulled her mouth back down to me desperately, thrusting my tongue past her lips and kissing her as forcefully as I could. My hands swept down her back to squeeze her ass and pull her hips in tighter. Then I slipped inside her underwear and pulled them down just enough to press a finger inside. Brushing my thumb over her clit, I cried out as JJ redoubled her efforts and pressed inside me at the same time. My hips jerked up of their own accord and I stole JJ's lips, red and bruised, and kissed her hard.

I was so hot. My movements were becoming sloppy and the only way I could keep anything close to quiet was by muffling my cries against her lips or her shoulder. A trail of kisses turned into bites and bruises I knew she was going to have trouble hiding in the morning. Yet somehow that only made it sexier.

"JJ, I'm so close," I hissed and JJ couldn't even respond. I slipped another finger into her and pounded her until I could feel her start to shake along with me. "Baby, I've got you. You can let go now. Let go, Jayj."

With my lips pressed against her shoulder, I didn't have time to stop the scream that escaped JJ's lips as she came. And no matter how close the others may have been I was glad I hadn't. It was the purest, most incredible sound I'd ever heard and I came the moment I heard it. Her walls tightened around my fingers, constricting and releasing in a powerful rhythm, and I continued to move slowly, letting her ride through her orgasm as she shook above me. I fought to keep my eyes open. I gasped uncontrollably, still trying to keep quiet. But seeing her coming above me was too much.

Finally, she collapsed on top of me and I pulled my arms tight around her waist. Neither of us said a word but I could feel the wetness of her thighs sliding against mine and her skin was flushed and damp. I'd never seen anything more incredible in my life.

"I love you so much," she moaned, burying her face in my neck.

I stroked my fingers through her hair and smiled so widely I thought my cheeks would split. "And I love you," I answered sincerely. Then I pulled the sheets up around us. "Get some sleep, okay? We need to find this son of a bitch already so we can pick up Henry and go home."

JJ clutched me tighter and I revelled in the feeling of her slim body in my arms, so petite and yet so strong. She fit perfectly against me.

"Is it crazy that I already feel so much for you?" She whispered.

I pressed a kiss into her hair and shook my head. "No, Jayj. It's not. Not unless I'm crazy too."


	9. Chapter 9: Emily

**Chapter 9: Emily's POV**

One week later. There's a man standing by the front door of a remote farmhouse. No, not a man. A boy. A tall, solid sixteen with brown hair, tanned skin, and darting eyes. His stance is awkward, his gait confused. He's only recently grown into his body. There are so many parts of him that are more child than man. But he's not innocent.

Luke Evans is not innocent.

The case has grown. Two more children have been molested and killed. And one last child—missing, now found—is clutched in Evans' arms at this moment. I can't tell if he's dead or alive. He seems unharmed yet isn't moving.

There was a car chase from the abduction site: a park not far from Andy Müller's home. JJ and I were the first on the scene and the others have yet to arrive.

Her eyes are hard, her gun steady. She's probably the best shot on the team. But god, I hope she doesn't have to shoot.

There are sirens in the distance and Evans is spooked. It's clear he's not waiting around for the cops to arrive. His shaky grip on the sharp knife in his hand tightens, he makes to move, and JJ does what she's been trained to do. She shoots.

The little boy—only five-years-old—wakes with a yell as he hits the ground. As I race toward him, he processes the letters printed on my vest in bold yellow type, F-B-I, and he launches to his feet and barrels into me at full speed. His arms lock around my legs and he pressed his face into my knees and I think of Henry.

"Hey, kiddo, hey…" I try to soothe him, placing a hand at the back of his head. "I've got you… Listen, my name's Emily and this is Jennifer. We're with the FBI, okay? We're going to take you home."

The kid nods rapidly and I duck down so that I can meet his eyes. His little hands rest on my knees and his gaze is completely trusting. Amazing, after what he's been through.

"You're safe now. You understand?"

Again the rapid nodding.

"JJ, take him," I call. "I'll deal with Evans."

"I want to stay with you!" the boy wails and JJ looks down at me with huge uncomprehending eyes.

She moves towards Evans instead but I lift the boy and stand in her path. "Let me," I insist. "You take the kid."

_"No, I want to stay with you!_" he screams, but I can't let JJ deal with the boy she's just had to shoot. It isn't fair.

"Don't worry," I hush the little one quickly. "Don't worry. Jennifer is my best friend, okay? She's going to take really, really good care of you, and I'm just going to be over there a bit. Jenny will get you back to your mom and dad, okay?"

He looks up at JJ and she looks as scared as he is. But then her mothering instincts kick in. She takes the boy from me and as she begins to speak to him softly I run over to Evans.

He's twitching, groaning, swearing unevenly. His hand is grasping like he's looking for the knife but it's nowhere within reach. I press my hands into his wound harder than I need to and he lashes out verbally. As if I care what a child molester thinks about me. I'm hardly listening.

I call for a medic and recite Evans' rights, while JJ looks on. The boy's head is pressed into her shoulder so he doesn't have to watch but she can't tear her eyes away.

Not much later, cars start pulling up the drive. Hotch and Rossi burst out of the first SUV, followed by the Rossi and Reid, then a convoy of police cars. Too late. It's already over. First JJ is swamped with their attention, then a small crowd forms around me. Hotch pushes them back and gives me a nod.

When the ambulance arrives, I'm glad to get my hands off Evans.

* * *

I arrived at the police station about forty minutes after JJ and the others. I didn't want this kid to see me covered in blood after everything he'd already been through, but Morgan called just after I got out of the shower, saying he was asking for me. I used my siren to get back to the station as quickly as possible, but it was JJ I wanted to check on most. I knew the kid was in good hands. His parents had already arrived.

The boy's name was Tommy. We'd been on Evans' trail almost immediately after the abduction. The whole city was on high alert after the recent deaths and someone had got the plates of a car speeding off from the park. JJ and I had been closest to the scene.

I ruffled Tommy' hair as I entered the room where he was now talking animatedly to Morgan. He sat between JJ and his mother, who had a protective arm around him, while his father sat slightly to the side, resting his elbows on his knees and looking predictably exhausted.

"Hey, Emily!" he greeted me loudly, much to Morgan's amusement and his mother's embarrassment.

"Hey, kiddo," I replied. "Didn't I tell you Jennifer would get you back to your mom and dad?"

"Yep! Thanks, Jennifer!" the boy replied dutifully.

"No problem, Tommy," JJ replied. She was still looking a little off-colour but there was a playfulness to her tone. She was coping—although she'd be better still once she had a hold of her own son. The way I was feeling, she was going to have to fight me for him. I missed Henry so much.

"Is Hotch still at the hospital?" I asked Morgan, who nodded in reply.

"Evans has confessed to everything," he answered. "We're ready to send Tommy home with his folks but he refused to go until he'd seen you."

Now that I'd arrived, Tommy didn't seem to have a lot to say, but I accepted his hug gratefully.

"Thanks for saving me, Emily."

I wanted to say that I hadn't done anything—that it had been JJ who'd shot Evans and saved the boy—but I shrugged it off instead. JJ didn't seem like she either wanted or needed reminding.

"No problem," I answered, just as JJ had done, and then I awkwardly accepted his parents' thanks as well.

I was grateful once they were all gone.

"One of you two will need to file a report on what happened at the farm, before we arrived," Morgan explained, in a more relaxed tone when the door was closed. "But Hotch says it can wait until we get back to Quantico if you need a bit of time."

"That'd be great," I answered truthfully. "All I want to do right now is get over to Will's and see Henry…"

It took me a few moments to realise why Morgan was giving me such an odd look, but when I did my face coloured immediately. _Fuck_. "I— Oh, shut up, Derek," I sighed lamely. Then I saw JJ's face and remembered I hadn't even told her. "Sorry, JJ. I accidentally let slip to Morgan about us before we left for the case… Derek, wipe that grin off your face. I mean it."

"Sorry, sorry, it's just cute that you're the one in a hurry to see JJ's kid," Morgan laughed, crossing his arms over his chest in a gesture that was casual rather than defensive. He'd always enjoyed teasing me—he'd been the first member of the team I let in enough to get away with it.

"I guess we're even," JJ reluctantly admitted, "Since I was the one who told Garcia."

I already knew about that—Garcia hadn't been able to resist calling me the second JJ had left her—and I hadn't had any prior warning either.

"I won't keep you," Morgan promised, getting to his feet. "And I'll tell Hotch you've gone to get Henry. It'll be eight or so by the time we're finished up here and ready to fly home, so maybe you can grab dinner on your way to the airport."

"Sounds like a plan," JJ answered gratefully and I lifted her bag for her.

* * *

If Will's wife was surprised to find me at her door with JJ for a second time, she hid it well.

"Emily, right?" she remembered, touching my elbow briefly as I followed JJ's lead and stepped inside.

JJ moved confidently through Will's house and quickly left me behind to find Henry, but I felt obliged to hang back with Melissa, who walked more slowly.

"You work with Jennifer?" she asked and I forced myself to nod. JJ had made it clear enough when we dropped Henry off that she didn't want Will and Melissa to know about us. I had to respect that, no matter how uncomfortable or out of place it made me feel.

"Yeah, at the BAU… How's Henry been? We've— Jayj has really missed him this week."

"Henry's been fine," Melissa promised. Then she added, with something of a twinkle in her eye, "Actually, Emily, he talks about you a lot."

We paused in the hallway outside the living room, where I could already hear Henry shouting a greeting to his mom and JJ laughing in response.

"It's okay," Melissa was quick to reassure me. "I don't think it registered with Will at all. He can be a bit clueless… To be honest, I'm just glad to know there's no chance of Jennifer going back to him. It's a stupid fear to have now Will and I are married, but— Well, Jennifer's gorgeous, and I see how my husband is with his son… It makes you wonder why anyone would give up a family like that."

I swallowed uncertainly. Was she looking to me to explain why JJ and Will had broken up? I couldn't say I even knew for certain. I only knew how hard JJ had tried to be happy with him and how much courage it had taken for her to admit that she never would be…

"I don't want to speak out of place," I hedged, "But, Melissa, it's over between JJ and Will. If she's ever regretted that decision, she hasn't said anything to me about it."

"It does make me feel a bit more secure to know she's in a relationship with a woman," Melissa admitted with a small smile. "Come on, let's go and see what they're up to."

I allowed her to lead the way into the living room and returned the polite wave Will offered as he registered my entrance. JJ faced the opposite wall but Henry's head was peeking over her shoulder and he shouted out the moment he saw me.

"Aunty Emmy!"

JJ turned immediately with a big smile on her face and set Henry down so that he could run to greet me too. I wrapped him tightly in my arms the moment he was within reach.

"Hey, baby," I whispered into his hair. Suddenly my voice was tight with emotion. This case had made being away from Henry almost unbearable. In the back of my mind lurked the thought that I had no right to feel so strongly about him, and yet here was this little boy hugging me back just as tightly.

"Mommy said you saved a little kid's _life_!" Henry exclaimed once I could bear to release him. "That's awesome!" He held two thumbs up proudly.

"Thanks, Henry! And what about you? What did you do all week?" I asked. Then I spotted the little girl peeking out from behind Will's legs. "Don't tell me this is your lovely little sister?"

"That's Chloe," Henry declared with a quick glance over his shoulder. "She's four."

"Four! Practically a lady, then!" I laughed, and Chloe took a single step out from her hiding place, offering a shy smile. "I hope Henry's been treating you like the princess you are, Chloe."

"Oh, he's the perfect gentleman," Melissa replied fondly. "Are you three in a hurry to get back or can I interest you in some dinner?"

"Dinner?" JJ repeated, sounding doubtful.

"I'm making a big tray of cottage pie," Melissa explained. "It's in the oven now. Should be ready in about forty minutes…? There'll be plenty."

"Mom, Melissa's cottage pie is _sooo_ good!" Henry cried. We were still working on his inside voice, as Will and Melissa had no doubt learned during his stay. "We're not in a hurry, right!?"

JJ sought my eye helplessly and I gave a shrug in reply.

"It's only just gone six o'clock," I pointed out. "Morgan said we wouldn't have to be on the jet until eight at the earliest."

Will clapped his hands together and nodded as though it was settled. "Great. I'll open a bottle of wine."

For a second I thought JJ was going to protest but instead she nodded, evidently deciding that it would be rude to argue now. I felt a stab of guilt for suggesting we could stay when she was clearly uncomfortable, but Henry's response was ecstatic. He grabbed his stepsister by the hand and pulled her off into the corner where a shiny train set lay waiting for them.

Melissa followed Will into the kitchen to help with the drinks, and I immediately crossed the room to wrap my arms around JJ. She leaned into me only briefly before placing her hands on my waist and pushing me away. She wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Don't…" she sighed, sounding exhausted. Then she turned her back on me to kneel by the kids and watch them play.

I stepped back too and ran a hand through my hair. After the way the case had gone, _all_ I wanted on this earth was to be with JJ and Henry, yet she couldn't even acknowledge me. What was I doing here? This was her ex-husband's house and if I wasn't her partner, then I was ridiculously out of place. JJ and Will had a child together. No matter what I wanted, Henry wasn't mine. I shouldn't be here.

"Emmy…?"

I looked down to find those bright blue eyes—JJ's eyes—looking up at me from beneath a mop of shaggy blonde hair. Henry's voice was full of concern. Glancing at JJ, I saw her engaged in conversation with Chloe, still facing the other way.

"Yeah, Henry?" I replied, trying to pull myself together for him.

"Are you sad?"

"What? Why on earth would I be sad?" I asked. "I get to see you again, right?"

I swallowed down the fear rising like bile in my throat. _Unlike Will, I have no right to see Henry if JJ doesn't want me to. If she pulls away, I'll lose them both._

"I dunno," Henry answered, but he hugged my legs tight anyway. "Are you coming home with me and mommy after we go on the plane?"

I shook my head regretfully. "No, baby. I'll be going back to my place." …_Alone. _"You'll be really tired by then, though. You'll be hopping right into bed, not playing with me."

Henry didn't get a chance to reply before Will and Melissa returned with four glasses of wine. Just what JJ and I didn't need right now: more depressants.

Sitting down around the coffee table, we struggled to make conversation. Melissa asked us about our work but it was clear she was only being polite. She was married to a police officer; shoptalk was the last thing she wanted in her living room. JJ and I kept our explanations brief and tried to steer the subject matter to easier topics. I was able to maintain a brief conversation about sports with Will but my knowledge of the subject was greater than my interest. The discussion inevitably faded away. Each time silence fell, the four of us turned to watch the children, innocently playing, as if waiting for them to provide some kind of conversation point.

"Henry's taken a real shine to you, Emily," Will pointed eventually. His tone lacked the suggestion of Melissa's. It was clear that she was right and he didn't suspect JJ and I at all. Yet both of us tensed at his observation and it killed me to downplay my love for Henry, especially with him in the room.

"He's a great kid," I answered, keeping my eyes on Will so I wouldn't have to look at either my girlfriend or her son. The impersonal detachment of my own words made me feel ill. I wanted to get out of this house and stop pretending but it was my fault we were still here at all.

"Really," Will pressed, evidently trying to pay me a compliment. "You must be some kind of role model to him—the way he talks. It sounds like you've been helping Jen out a lot." He shrugged lightly. "It's just good to hear, you know, since I'm so far away most of the time. God knows my boy can be a bit of a handful."

We hadn't even sat down to dinner yet and already I was ready to walk out the door. What did he think I was? Henry's _nanny_? I forced myself to thank Will and tell him it was no worry.

"Do you mind if I use the bathroom?"

I'd said it too quickly. Everyone looked up at me.

"Down the hall and to the right," Melissa directed, sounding concerned. "Do you want me to show you?"

"It's fine," I insisted. Holding my breath, I stood and walked past the others into the corridor. I didn't release the breath, and they didn't resume talking, until I was safely around the corner.

Damn it… What had I got myself into?


	10. Chapter 10: JJ

**AN./ To those of you who were wanting this chapter to be happier… *cringes* I'm really, really sorry about this. –Bec xx**

**Chapter 10: JJ's POV**

I'd lived in this house.

On weekends and holidays, yes, but I'd still lived here. This was the house where my son was conceived and where Will and I lay awake in the months that followed, discussing baby names and comparing the safety ratings on different models of cribs and strollers. We'd had our problems—Will thought I was too attached to my job and not attached enough to him; I thought he was stubborn and more concerned with 'doing things right' than doing things in a way that made us happy and suited our lifestyles. Still, when Henry was born I was sure things would get better. For a while they even did.

Will started coming home earlier, taking every second he could off work to be at home with Henry and I. He bought me flowers on his way home and toys for our boy—more than Henry ever needed. As for Henry, he is—and _was_ from the second he came into the world—the light of my life. I should have been happy, but the excitement wore off.

That's a fucking horrible thing to say. I'm a horrible person for saying it.

There should be more tying a woman to her husband and child than _excitement._ What about love? Loyalty? I knew I felt those things fiercely toward Henry, but as the days bled together and the routines Will and I had shared re-formed—this time revolving around a baby who cried all through the night—I realised that not only had I never loved Will, but the baby hadn't fixed it like I hoped it would either.

Still, I strongly felt I had no right to be unhappy. I kept it inside for years, letting Henry grow up with the expectation of always having his daddy around. And then who on earth was I to make them both miserable by separating them? Especially when I couldn't be sure that leaving Will would even make me happy myself. What if I selfishly tore my family apart and things didn't get any better? What if Will fought me and I lost my son altogether?

Will never tried to understand how I felt. He did his best to be kind, to be the patriarch he thought Henry and I needed him to be, but he did it in a stock-standard way learned from watching his own father. He never asked me what I wanted or how he could help, and I suffered through his many, vain assumptions about what we needed to do to be a _real family_—a _proper family_—again. Because even he could tell that whatever we were wasn't a family.

In the end, our joint failure to find happiness became so clear that it barely needed stating. We stopped attempting to communicate and our lawyers fashioned the relatively angst-free agreement that I would take Henry back to DC with me. I told him he could visit anytime but he rarely did. It wasn't long before he had found another wife and another child—a second chance. Honestly, I was relieved when I found out.

Now that I could see Will was happy and fully recovered from our time together, it took some of the pressure off me and my failings as a wife. I hadn't broken his heart—how could I when I never really had it to begin with?

Yet although my life had improved since the divorce, and even more since I'd found Emily, I couldn't feel happy to be back in Will's home. Reminders of our life together were everywhere and I was terrified of what he would think if he found out about Emily and I. Everything I'd done with her had been patently selfish, entirely about me. It was sheer luck that Henry loved her too, but I doubted Will would be so forgiving. Would he have something to say about me bringing another woman into his son's life? He was doing the same thing by marrying Melissa, wasn't he? Or was that different…? It always seemed to be different when it was something he was doing, rather than me.

"Jen, is everything okay?" Will asked. He tossed a concerned look down the hallway, where Emily had just disappeared in search of the bathroom. "Doesn't she wanna be here?"

_I _didn't even want to be here. I couldn't imagine how Emily felt.

"It was just a hard case," I answered dismissively. "She'll be fine. …Sorry."

"And what about you?" Will pressed. "Are you taking care of yourself, Jennifer? If you need me to take Henry for a while—"

"No!" I took a deep breath. I'd spoken too quickly, too vehemently. Will and Melissa exchanged a glance before looking back at me. "Sorry," I repeated, hating myself a little. "Really, sorry. We've been miserable company. Maybe we shouldn't stay for dinner after all."

"Don't be silly," Melissa chided me, getting to her feet. "Dinner won't be ten minutes now. You can eat and then get back home and have an early night. We won't keep you." To my surprise she laid a hand on my shoulder. I offered a shaky smile in response. "I'll just set the table quickly. Will, you can entertain Jen while I'm gone, right?"

Will looked very much like he'd just been thrown in the deep end of an Olympic swimming pool but he nodded anyway and Melissa bent to give him a quick kiss before slipping away. He looked down at his hands as the door closed behind her.

"She's great," I felt compelled to say. "Melissa, I mean. I really like her."

"I— Yeah, so do I," Will answered—stupidly, because he'd already married her. "And are you… Is there anyone special in your life right now?"

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. It was one thing not to mention that Emily and I were a couple, but it was another thing entirely to lie about it. _I'm not ashamed,_ I insisted to myself. _Why should it even matter?_ Yet it did.

Emily returned just as I was getting ready to reply, one way or the other, and I had to bite my lip to stop myself.

"Jayj, you okay?" she asked immediately, glancing between Will and I and if trying to get a read on our body language. 

I forced myself to nod.

"Emily," I said to Will, hoping that would be enough. Yet his nonplussed expression told me I was going to have to elaborate. "Emily and I… have been seeing each other."

"Henry already knows," Emily offered, trying to be helpful as Will's eyes flew to his son. She took a step toward Henry but Will held up a hand to stop her. He avoided eye contact with either of us.

"Come here, buddy," he called and I fought the urge to lift Henry myself as he obediently scrambled into his father's lap.

He was my son. I'd given birth to him. He was _mine_.

"What's wrong, daddy?" Henry asked, sensing the tension building in the room. "Why's everyone sad?"

Will dodged the question. "Are you sad, buddy?"

Henry shook his head emphatically but his eyes betrayed his confusion. He looked lost.

Will scraped a hand through his son's hair and then asked, "Mom spends a lot of time with Emily, huh, buddy?"

Henry glanced at me and then at Emily, his eyes wide and uncertain. I wanted to tell Will to stop interrogating him—he knew something was wrong and he was scared—but, as usual when it came to my relationship with Will, I said nothing.

"You can tell your dad anything you like," Emily assured him. "You're not in any trouble." Still, she lingered in the doorway, unnaturally still, like she was preparing either to bolt or to be asked to leave at any moment. I wished I could comfort her somehow but I was frozen in place.

"…If mommy and Aunty Em got married, Emmy could be my mum," Henry answered softly, hopefully, placing his little hands on Will's chest. "She could live with us and we could play together all the time and mommy would never be lonely."

"Married?" Will repeated the word, seemingly without comprehending it.

A wave of nausea passed over me.

"That's not—" I bit back a desperate sigh. There had to be some way of saying this without angering Will, confusing Henry, or hurting Emily, didn't there? "Emily and I aren't actually—"

"We're not getting married," Emily finished dully. I didn't dare look at her. I could hear well enough that she wasn't happy.

_As soon as we get out of this house I promise I'll make it up to you,_ I bargained silently. It was this house. This goddamn house. Everything was going wrong.

"I should fucking hope not," Will snapped. "What are you involving our son in, Jennifer? He's just a kid!"

I could see Henry's eyes widen as his father swore and rage rose up in me like bile. "He's not in the bed with us!" I cried, and there was probably nothing worse I could have said. Will's face hardened into anger.

"Daddy, what's wrong?!" Henry begged.

Chloe had started to cry and now Melissa appeared at the kitchen door. 

"Dinner's ready," she began to say, but she stopped as Will stood abruptly and thrust Henry toward her. Bewildered, she took Henry into her arms and placed a protective hand on the back of his head. Chloe ran up to her and grabbed her mother's leg, as she'd done to Will earlier.

I watched as Melissa threw Emily a worried glance and something passed between them, a silent exchange beyond my understanding.

"Jennifer, I think you should leave," Will ground out.

"We will, but not without Henry." This was Emily—I was too stunned to speak.

"_I _am Henry's father, you fuckingdyke," he spat, only growing angrier at her presumption to argue. "This is my house and I want you out of it, now! Both of you!"

"Henry's home is in DC with his mother," Emily insisted. Her voice was calm, if taut, and her hand came to rest on her weapon automatically. As if that would help—Will was a detective. "And, not that I care what you call me, but we don't use words like that around Henry."

"Emily," I tried to reason with her but she threw me a look that was total fury and that shut me up. I watched helplessly as Henry buried his face in Melissa's shoulder and Chloe sobbed against her mother's skirt.

"Henry's got to learn to be a man," Will spat. "I won't have him raised by two godforsaken—"

"_William_," Melissa's voice came out shrilly and seemed to surprise her as much as the rest of us. "William," she repeated at a more natural pitch but with no less rage, "I swear, if you finish that sentence, I am taking Chloe and walking out the door right now. All we've heard from Henry all week is how much fun he's been having with Jennifer and Emily. If you're going to tell him that's wrong, I'm not sure I want you in my daughter's life either."

"Melissa, darlin'..."

It grated on me to hear Will call her the pet name he'd once called me. Not because I was jealous—how could I be jealous of Melissa now?—but because I recognised the insidiousness behind his wheedling tone. He could turn the charm on like a tap but if you didn't do as he said, he was a monster. Then when he got his way it'd be _darlin', darlin', I love you, I'm sorry…_

"I have custody over Henry and I'm taking him home," I found the courage to say. And instead of asking twice, I walked around him and lifted my son out of Melissa's arms. She didn't protest; in fact, she seemed relieved. She immediately bent to pick up her own daughter and soothe her tears. To Will I continued, "You can visit Henry in DC under the terms of our agreement but if you've got any brains you'll stay away for a while."

"You've lost your damn mind if you think I'm not going to fight this, Jennifer."

Will took a step toward me but it was Melissa who held him back this time, although she still balanced Chloe in one arm. Emily moved between us too, a second line of defence, but she didn't engage Will.

"I'm sorry," Melissa directed toward us and Emily nodded.

"It really was nice to meet you," she replied.

Melissa nodded tensely and then gestured to the door. I noticed that Emily still had a hand on her weapon and she didn't move until Henry and I were safely out of sight. She said something else to Melissa then before following me. I didn't catch it but I was beyond caring. I just wanted to get out of the house.

Will was screaming again before we'd even reached the car and, true to her word, Melissa and Chloe were out the door next. Melissa shot me a conflicted look and I tried to say something to her—either to thank her or to apologise, I don't know—but my voice stuck in my throat. I felt Emily's hand covering mine, directing me to buckle Henry into his seat, and then, just as quickly, she was gone. I saw her pass Melissa her card before hurrying back.

Melissa drove off just as Will emerged from the front door, hurling a string of curses after her, and Emily's hand on my back guided me into the car. Once she'd climbed in the driver's side, she locked the doors and immediately pulled out onto the street. She didn't even acknowledge Will screaming after us.

That was the second family I'd destroyed with my selfishness, I realised as Melissa's car turned a corner out of sight. I felt insanely guilty.

"Something's wrong with daddy," came Henry's quiet voice as silence fell.

_It's mommy who's messed up, _I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue. I couldn't doubt myself in front of my son, and I didn't want to give Emily any ammunition to try and discuss it with me. I just wanted to get out of this goddamned city and never have to think about Will or any of this ever again.

When I didn't reply, Henry's eyes locked onto Emily entreatingly. I saw her meet his gaze in the rear-view mirror.

"Your dad'll be fine, kiddo," she promised, sounding far away. "He just needs to calm down. Once he does, we'll sort this out. Don't you worry."

"He got mad when I said you should marry mommy," Henry mumbled. "I'm sorry. It's my fault everyone's angry..."

"It is not," I barked, too sharply. Then I stretched an arm around his little shoulders apologetically and pulled him in close. "Henry, this is _my_ fault. Not yours. Not one little bit."

"How come?" Henry asked. "…Mom?"

I shook my head, fighting a second wave of nausea. "Not right now, Henry."

Henry nodded sadly and I felt one of his little arms slip around my waist in return. I was already holding back tears and now I was shaking. I hated myself for losing it in front of him.

Still, I thought Henry would drop it after that and maybe get some rest before we had to fly back to DC. Instead he turned to Emily.

"Emmy," he asked softly. "What's a dyke?"

I watched Emily's hands tighten on the steering wheel. She shook her head and Henry stopped asking questions.


	11. Chapter 11: JJ

**Chapter 11: JJ's POV**

Every morning during the case in New Orleans, I'd woken up in Emily's arms. I knew she shouldn't have been in my room, but I'd needed her, and none of the team had suspected. She always came after the others were in bed or at least late enough that they wouldn't presume to pay either of us a visit.

When we arrived back in DC, I was alone. I slept in Henry's room the first night, justifying it with the fact that he was still freaked out and upset by what had happened with his dad, but after that I knew I had to re-establish some sort of routine. The nights were cold and Emily was avoiding me. We'd never even had the date we'd planned before the case.

I tried to put her out of my mind and called my lawyer to warn him that Will might try to challenge my custody of Henry. A week later, despite Will's threats, no such challenge was forthcoming. I remained on my guard.

I spoiled Henry rotten that week and avoided leaving him with a sitter if I could possibly help it. I purposely chose a local case for the team over an interstate one of comparable urgency.

"Where's Emmy?" Henry finally asked on Friday evening. He spoke quietly and in a way that made me think he'd wanted to ask for a while but he'd only just worked up the courage.

I felt awful. My week of coddling had been compensation for the fact that I had yet to sit down and talk to him about what happened in New Orleans. Poor compensation, obviously. I couldn't expect him to just forget about it—to forget her. Especially when I couldn't.

"She's probably at home, Henry. _Her _home," I answered. "She doesn't live here, you know? We're not getting married."

Henry considered this information and then tightened his lips in a surprisingly malignant scowl. "I hate daddy."

"Don't say that," I was quick to chide him. "Your father loves you."

"He made Emmy go away!" Henry said angrily. "He made her cry!"

"What?"

"In the car," Henry insisted. "When we left daddy's house Emmy was crying. Daddy called her a bad word, didn't he?"

I leaned my elbows on the table between us and met my son's eyes, laying a hand over his. "Yes," I answered honestly.

"So I hate him."

His logic was simple and righteous but I knew I had to step in on Will's behalf. I didn't want Henry to get a complex about his father. Will would surely think Emily and I were turning our boy against him on purpose.

"Henry," I tried to explain, squeezing his little hand. "Sometimes you can do a bad thing without being a bad person, you know? When you're angry or scared—"

"What did he call her, mom? Why wouldn't Emmy tell me what it meant?"

I shook my head, just as Emily had done. "I'm not going to repeat it," I answered. Still, I knew that wouldn't be enough for him. I'd have to give some sort of explanation. "Henry, you know how I've always told you that it doesn't matter if you want to marry a boy or a girl or nobody at all when you grow up because I'm going to love you no matter what?"

"Yes, mom," Henry sighed. It was one in a long line of assurances I made to him an a regular basis—_I'll always love you, even if… _I wanted him to know that there was never anything he couldn't tell me about, no matter what. I knew he sometimes got tired of hearing it but he'd be grateful when it mattered.

"Well," I said, "Some people don't think like me. Some people think that girls should only like boys, and that it's wrong for them to like other girls. So when daddy found out that I like Aunty Emmy, he got confused and sad and that made him angry. He called Emily a bad word to make himself feel more powerful and in control. You understand? He didn't say it because Emily is a bad person or because he's a bad person, he said it because he was scared."

"If daddy said sorry would Emmy come back?" Henry asked, his voice small.

I brushed my thumb across the back of his hand and shook my head. "Baby, no one's telling Em she can't come around," I told him. "If she wants to, she will." It was a lame excuse even to my own ears and I threw a glance toward the dinner I had roasting in the oven before standing and ruffling my son's hair. "…Listen, I'll try and talk to her. But dinner first, okay?"

I was helpless to resist the way his eyes brightened an hour later when I picked up the phone.

* * *

Emily arrived not long after I put Henry to bed. She'd changed since work and now wore a pair of dark blue jeans and a red blouse. I'd told her only recently how much I loved her in red (although I'd been talking about lingerie at the time) and I tried not to read too much into her choice of outfit.

"Em, I'm glad you're here…"

I didn't know how to greet her at the door. A week ago I would have kissed her, but we hadn't spoken outside of work since we got back to DC. Now I wasn't sure she wanted me to touch her at all. Fuck, I'd messed up…

Emily met my eye squarely for a few moments, standing still as a soldier, until finally I caved in. Slipping my arms around her waist, I leaned my head against her chest and let out a sigh of relief as she relaxed into me. My eyes slid closed as her arms came around me in return and I breathed deep of her familiar scent.

"How's Henry?" Emily asked quietly.

The tickle of her breath against my ear was a reminder of just how much I'd missed her closeness. I was reluctant to pull back. "I just put him to bed," I admitted, "But you should come see him for a second. He's been worried about you."

Emily slipped her hand into mine smoothly and it was she who led the way to Henry's room.

She knocked before entering, even though the door was ajar and he was just a kid. "Henry? Are you still up?"

The lamp near Henry's bed had switched on before she finished talking. Henry always insisted on having a light within reach or he couldn't sleep.

"Emmy!" he cried.

I hadn't seen him look so happy, or so relieved, in such a long time. It was worth anything I could offer; calling Emily up and admitting I was wrong was a small price.

Letting go of my hand, Emily knelt by Henry's bed and laughed as he threw his arms around her neck.

"I hear you've been worried about me, kiddo," she told him, sounding mock-annoyed. "That's silly. I'm sorry I haven't been around lately…" She glanced up at me guiltily before lying, "I've been busy."

"I thought you didn't come back because of daddy," Henry admitted, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "I'm sorry, Emmy. Daddy called you a bad word."

"Baby, I don't care about that," Emily promised, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "A word is just a word, okay? But your dad doesn't want me to see you. I thought it would be best if I stayed away for a while. I'm sorry for worrying you."

"Henry," I said. "It's bedtime now. Emmy and I need to talk."

Henry's face fell and he reached up to touch Emily's hand on his shoulder. "Are you gonna be here in the morning?" he asked.

I watched Emily's mouth open, then close. "Henry…" she began uncertainly.

I stepped in. Taking a seat beside Henry and placing a kiss on his forehead, I firmly answered, "Yes. Emmy will be here." Then, with a smile, I added, "And since it'll be a Saturday we can all have breakfast together again. We can even have pancakes if you like."

"You mean it!?" Henry shouted, and when Emily and I went to _shh_ him simultaneously, our eyes met and we ended up laughing.

"Sure," Emily agreed, returning my smile. "Pancakes sound good."

My heart leapt.

Emily and my 'talk' turned into a couple of glasses of wine and very little talking. From the first shy kiss after a long week of avoidance, I was putty in her hands. She sat on the couch and I lay stretched across it, my head in her lap. My eyes closed as she ran her fingers through my hair and traced the line of my jaw with her thumb. When I opened them, I found her looking down at me lovingly.

"I've missed you," she sighed, although we'd been seeing each other every day at work.

I took her hand from my heart and brought it down to my lips, laying a soft kiss against her knuckles. "You don't hate me?" I asked. My voice was smaller than I would have liked but I was waiting for her to remember how badly I'd behaved toward her in New Orleans.

"Jayj, I was mad at you that night," Emily admitted, "But I never stopped loving you for a second. At first I felt hurt and out of place because Will didn't know I was anything to you but a colleague, but then you told him and it all went to hell so fast… My brain didn't have time to process the fact that it wasn't you I was mad at anymore. I'm sorry if I came across as angry all week. I've honestly just been giving you space."

"I don't want space," I told her. "And I'm sorry too. Fuck. I am _so_ sorry about Will and what he said— No, honestly, listen." I had to sit up to keep her from interrupting but I kept my legs in her lap and leaned our foreheads together, placing at hand at the side of her neck to anchor me. "I know you said it was just a word and it didn't bother you but it bothered _me, _Em. So please let me apologise."

"Let _him_ apologise," Emily replied dismissively. "_If _he's sorry. You're not the one who said it, Jayj. None of what happened was because of you…" Her voice softened. "Jayj, if you still want to be with me, despite what he thinks, then why on earth would I care? Will is nothing to me. I tolerate him because he's Henry's dad and because he used to mean something to you, but as long as he's bluffing about taking Henry, then there's nothing I care about less than what stupid word he called me a week ago or might call me tomorrow."

"I want you to adopt Henry," I blurted out. "I know it's too soon and Will would make trouble if we tried to do it now, but one day, when things are easier with him… You can do that in DC—legally adopt my son as a second parent. Even if we can't get married. I looked it up." Fuck, I was blushing now. I'd essentially just told her I wanted to marry her. "Jesus. Sorry if that's stupid…"

"Are you joking?" Emily asked quietly.

"I think I'm going insane," I confessed. "But I know I want you in my life and, as for Henry… Henry was downright morose all week while you were gone. I've never seen him so maudlin. It really bothered him, what his dad said to you, even though he didn't really understand it."

"What did you tell him?"

I bit my lip guiltily. "That his dad was confused and upset… Henry told me he _hated_ Will. I freaked out… I told him his dad would come around. I just hope he does. No matter how I feel about Will or how he feels about us, I don't want to come between him and Henry."

Emily said nothing for a while but she ran a hand over the outer edge of my thigh contemplatively and I kissed her neck.

_You could move in here._ I tested the words out in my head repeatedly, making them sound as casual as I could. It was useless though. I knew it wasn't a simple thing to ask. She'd probably flip out if I _did_ ask her… Still, I never wanted her to leave my side.

_There are more important questions to deal with first,_ I reminded myself. I was serious about Emily and that was going to have repercussions when the rest of the team found out. There were things we needed to decide and arrange if we were really going to do this, and yet all I wanted to do as of this second was kiss her and take her to bed. I wanted to sleep with her warm body beside me, to feel safe and loved in a way that I'd been missing since we came back from New Orleans. To stop waking up in the night feeling so damn cold…

"Jayj," Emily finally answered. "I'd love to adopt Henry."

My mind had moved on so quickly that it took me a moment to return to that thought.

"Not right now," she clarified, stroking my cheek reassuringly. "I don't think either of us are ready to face Will again yet, and he's not ready to accept us as Henry's parents either… But in the future?" She kissed me lightly. "Jayj, it _scares_ me how much I love you, how much I love Henry. I know if something happened to you Will would get custody and it would be completely up to him whether I ever saw that little boy again…"

I could feel my brow furrowing. I had no idea she worried about that, yet now that she said it, it was obvious.

"Move in with us," I suggested, rejecting my earlier qualms over asking. "If you want to, obviously. The legalities will have to catch up to us when they can, but Henry already thinks of you as a mother, and… We're a family, Em. Somehow we've become a family."

I saw my own disbelief reflected in Emily's eyes, but also great joy. She threw her arms around my neck and kissed me hard and that's when I heard, "…Mommy?"

Henry was climbing up onto the couch beside us, rubbing his eyes. It was almost 10 o'clock. He was supposed to be sleeping. Still, I couldn't be mad at him now. I swung him up into my arms and held him so tight he couldn't help but giggle. With my legs still in Emily's lap and her arm around me we were a big ball of warmth and togetherness that I was oh-so-ready to get used to.

"What's up, baby?" I asked. "Did you have a bad dream?"

Henry looked up at Emily shyly. "No… I just wanted to make sure Emmy was still here."

I kissed his head softly. "How would you feel about Emily coming to live with us all the time?" I asked.

I already knew the answer but I wanted her to hear it.

Henry lit up entirely and from the way he started bouncing in my lap I knew I was going to be hard pressed to get him back to sleep. I shot Emily a rueful glance to this effect and was charmed to see the exact same excitement lighting up her face.

"It's Saturday tomorrow," she reminded me with a cheeky grin. "Which means neither of us need to get up early for work… Jayj, would you revoke your offer of cohabitation if I were to suggest celebratory hot chocolate at 10 pm?"

I couldn't help but laugh too. "Usually we don't eat after bedtime in this house," I told her, mock-sternly, "But I suppose I could make an exception… Since you're a newbie. What do you think, Henry?"

I was asking about the hot chocolate but as Henry released me and flung his arms around Emily's neck, I knew he couldn't care less about that. All he wanted was Emily and to know she wasn't going to leave him. "I think it's the best idea ever and I love you so, so much Emmy," he cried.

I leaned forward to whisper something in his ear and he squealed happily.

"I love you, _mum_," he shouted and then he jumped up to race us into the kitchen.

I kissed the tears from Emily's eyes and she taught me how to make her favourite hot chocolate on the stovetop. By the time we got Henry back into bed it was almost midnight and he was exhausted. He flopped like a little pillow as Emily lowered him into his sheets and we shared a chaste kiss by his bedside.

When I finally had her curled up in my arms, Emily breathed, "Is it really okay to call him my son?"

I kissed her until she had her answer.


	12. Chapter 12: Emily

**Chapter 12: Emily's POV**

"JJ, wake up."

"Mmmmm… what? No thanks…"

"Seriously, JJ. Get up."

"Fuck off, Emily. I'm sleeping."

I raised an eyebrow and leaned down to kiss JJ's ear softly. Once she'd regained consciousness enough to realise I was trying to wake her, the first thing she'd done was pull the sheets up to her nose and turn her face into the pillow. Besides a tiny bit of her jaw, her ear was the only exposed piece of skin my lips could reach. Slipping my hands back under the covers I experimented by tickling her midsection lightly, evoking a helpless giggle. Gasping between laughs, the sheets rustled as JJ shook her head.

"I don't want to get up! I'm happy right here," she whined.

"JJ, our son is at the door…"

Now it wasn't JJ but Henry who burst into giggles. "Is it time for pancakes?" he asked hopefully.

JJ bolted into a sitting position and pulled the sheets up to her chest in horror before looking down and realising she was still fully clothed. I could guess what she'd been dreaming about. Letting out a rueful puff of laughter, she dropped the sheets and opened her arms, encouraging Henry to climb up into bed with us.

"Morning, baby," she greeted him as he pressed his head into her chest.

He looked up with an annoyed expression on his face. "Mom, I'm not a baby!"

JJ's jaw dropped. "But you let Emily call you that all the time!"

"I like when _she_ does it," Henry sighed, as if that were an obvious distinction she should've made.

"Aww, thanks, baby!" I laughed, tossing JJ a teasing look over Henry's shoulder.

"Ha ha…!" she replied sarcastically. Then she poked her tongue out and I kissed her before she could retract it, sending Henry into peels of laughter once again.

"Pancakes!" he reiterated. "You promised!"

"That we did," I agreed. "How about we let mommy stay in bed a little longer, while you and me get a start on cooking?"

"I can help?!" Henry cried, releasing his mother and grabbing onto me.

I suppressed an evil grin. If I'd known that was all it took to steal Henry away, I'd have done it years ago. "Course you can!" I answered, throwing one arm around him and one around JJ. "And I bet mommy would like a coffee, wouldn't she?"

"Mommy would love a coffee," JJ replied, pressing a kiss into the juncture between my neck and shoulder. "Until then, though, she's going back to sleep…"

"I think that's our cue to go, baby!"

When Henry reached the kitchen he started hopping on his toes to avoid prolonged contact between his skin and the cold tiles and I felt my heart swell at the intimacy and simplicity of the sight.

_Waking up next to JJ in her own bed, calling Henry 'our son' for the first time, seeing him dart around the kitchen on tip toe…_ I was filing every instant away as a memory to be retained and treasured for all eternity. No matter how many other wonderful things I was going to experience with these two, these were the first moments, the first times it was _real. _We were a family. JJ and Henry and I. Nobody else mattered.

"Mum, what's taking so long!" Henry called, hopping as he shoved his feet into a pair of red and green dinosaur socks.

"I'm coming," I answered happily.

_I'm just making sure that I never, ever forget this moment…_

* * *

JJ got out of bed once she smelled the coffee brewing, and I noticed with some amusement that she too hopped across the cold kitchen tiles. As she pulled herself up onto a bar stool, I retrieved the coffee pot and a mug and came up behind her, laying a kiss at the base of her neck before pouring her a drink.

"Good morning, gorgeous," I chirped, feeling fundamentally unlike myself.

I was _never_ this happy at this time in the morning. Hell, it was barely 9am—I was rarely even awake at this time on a Saturday! I guessed that was little boys for you. It didn't matter that Henry hadn't got to sleep 'til after midnight because sleep was boring! Who would want to sleep when real, waking life was so incredible?

"Good morning yourself," JJ replied, gratefully accepting the proffered coffee. "How are the pancakes coming, Henry?"

From another bar stool, which we'd dragged a safe distance from the stove but close enough to observe, Henry yelled, "Great, mom!"

A plate full of pancakes already sat on the counter beside him, but the batter wasn't yet finished.

I left JJ with her coffee to make up the last few.

"Mum's cooking," Henry explained, "But I helped make the wet stuff to put in the pan."

"Oh?" JJ asked, grinning. "And is it good?"

"Dunno yet," Henry laughed. "We were waiting for you!"

"It'll be good," I promised. "Pancakes are my specialty."

"Flour, milk, sugar, eggs…?" JJ ticked all four ingredients in my 'special' pancakes off her fingers teasingly.

"They're _special_ because Henry and I made them," I declared, and that earned a laugh from both of them.

"_You're_ special," JJ mocked.

"Where _special_ meansI have special needs_,_ right?"

"I have a special need for you," JJ replied, dead serious, and I laughed so hard that Henry joined in and nearly fell off his hair in the process.

"For that, you get the biggest pancake," I replied as I switched off the stove and gathered the fruits of our labours. "After Henry, of course," I amended once I saw his face.

JJ gave her son a mock-bereaved look and then nodded. "How many pancakes do we get each?"

"I would like _all _the pancakes," Henry announced.

"Nice try, buddy—hold on." I lifted Henry and his stool across the kitchen to where JJ was sitting and then brought breakfast over. "Are you proud of my newfound domesticity? Nigella Lawson, eat your heart out!"

"I like it," JJ answered, and I leaned down to kiss her as she lifted her head toward me.

"Come on_,_ are you guys gonna kiss _all_ the time!?" Henry cried, but he shut up once he had a stack of pancakes in front of him.

"How about I kiss you too?" I suggested, planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

Henry wiped it off melodramatically. "Grosssss, mum!" he exclaimed, but he was smiling hard.

"Hey, Henry…" JJ hedged, leaning forward onto her elbows and meeting her son's eye purposefully. "It's important to me that you understand I love Emily lots and lots."

"I do, mom," Henry insisted through a mouthful of pancake.

"What I mean is, we're probably going to kiss and do all sorts of mushy things you'll think are gross," she explained. "Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah," Henry admitted after some thought. "It's, like, your parents' job to embarrass you, right?"

_Parents,_ I repeated to myself as JJ laughed and the two of them tucked back into their breakfast. _**We**__ are Henry's parents. He really, honestly thinks of me as his parent. Oh my god._

This train of thought spun rapidly out of control, mostly bringing up questions such as:

_Does this make my mother Henry's grandmother?_

_If so, should I tell her she now has a grandson?_

_Does my mother even remember what children look like?_

_Maybe I should call her and check..._

And then there was the team. I was fine with JJ hiding an embarrassing (but secretly adored) hickey from her colleagues, but we were going to tell them about us now that we'd moved in together, right?

Or what that pre-emptive?

JJ had definitely asked me to move in but staying over for a night was hardly the same thing. I was going to have to start bringing clothes and other essentials over from my apartment. Which brought up the question of how much to bring. Had JJ thought this through, logistically speaking? Did she want me to sell my apartment or hang on to it? Would I be living out of a suitcase here or well and truly a member of this household?

The weight of these questions dampened my spirits somewhat and I fell into silence as JJ and Henry chatted beside me. I know JJ noticed my withdrawal but she waited until we'd eaten to confront me.

"Henry, do you wanna go get ready for your shower?" She suggested. "I'll be in to help you in a minute. Brush your teeth—properly."

Henry hopped off his stool obediently and JJ turned toward me, knocking back the dregs of her coffee. I poured her another without having to be asked. I knew JJ was never really awake until she'd had two or three. I'd seen the evidence on those mornings we'd awoken together in New Orleans.

"I love seeing you in my kitchen," she told me, trailing a finger down my forearm thoughtfully. "You know, wearing pyjamas and cooking... I love that you seem at home here."

"I'm at home with you," I answered honestly. "It doesn't matter where we are."

"And Henry?"

"I have never been this happy in my life, Jen, and it has everything to do with you and that little boy, our son." A note of doubt still edged my voice as I said those words, but JJ nodded.

"Our son," she repeated, kissing me softly.

"_Our_ son," I breathed against her lips.

"There must be things you need to get from your place," JJ commented, and I was endlessly relieved to know she'd been thinking about it. "I'm going to going through some of my old things too."

"You don't need to get rid of anything because of me," I argued.

"Yes, I do." JJ's tone was unsentimentally dismissive. "There are so many things here that aren't worth hanging onto. I want to make space for new memories. And for you."

"What if we found a new place?" I suggested softly. "A place that was just _ours_ and we would only bring with us the things that we want to be a part of our life now."

"I think it's a really nice idea, Em," JJ told me, "But I feel like it's a bad time to uproot Henry. There's a lot going on for him right now. You know, a lot for him to get his head around."

"Have you spoken to Will?"

JJ shook her head and took my hand without meeting my eye. "I don't want to…"

"The longer you leave it, the harder it'll be," I hinted. It wasn't that I had any desire at all to see him again, or for JJ to have to, but we needed Will to be on our side. We couldn't risk alienating Henry's father any more than we already had. "Melissa called me a few days ago. She and Chloe are back with him—on a probationary basis. He hasn't talked to her about what happened but she thinks he regrets it."

"I honestly don't know, Em," JJ sighed. "I didn't think it'd be that bad. Can't we wait?"

"Sure," I replied, biting my lip.

But when JJ stood to go and help Henry with his shower, I dialed Will.

* * *

Will arrived the next weekend and I met him alone for lunch on Saturday. I told JJ I was meeting Morgan to help him find a birthday present for his mother. Of course, I cleared the lie with him first. Once I explained my reasons, he was more than happy to back me up if JJ asked him about it. He also volunteered to threaten Will for me, but I thought that might be counterproductive.

"I take it JJ doesn't know I'm in DC," was the first thing Will said as he took the seat opposite me. I must have looked nervous.

"I was hoping we could sort this out just between us," I answered truthfully.

Will gave me an odd look, then nodded and reached for a menu. "I gotta say, I admire that."

I held in a sigh of relief. "I don't want hurt or upset either of you more than necessary. I know we got off to a bad start…"

"We didn't get off to a bad start. We've known each other for years," Will argued. Still, his voice was level and his eyes were focused on the menu, so I tried not to worry. It wasn't like he was going to have another outburst in public and even if he did, I could handle that as long as JJ and Henry were safe at home. "Emily, what I want to know is, did you want her all that time? When me and Jayj were dating, when we got married, when Henry was born…?"

A revealing blush crept up my cheeks. "I never said anything to her," I swore. "You'd already been divorced for over a year when we… I didn't even tell her I was gay in case she figured it out."

"You're telling me you hung onto hope for _years_ even though she didn't have a clue you were into her," Will replied disbelievingly.

"No," I answered, hiding the majority of my face behind the menu. "I didn't have any hope at all. So I encouraged her to go out with you, I helped her shop for things you'd both need when Henry was born—I even went to her prenatal classes with her when you couldn't make it up from New Orleans. I didn't expect anything. I just wanted to be around her."

"I never thought she'd go for me either," Will admitted. "But damn, she makes you want to try, doesn't she?"

He smiled and it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. We ordered drinks and our meals and fell into a companionable silence.

As the waiter returned with two glasses of wine, he admitted, "Melissa tore me apart over what I said to you." Will's voice was gruff, apologetic, and I nodded, waving my hand in what I hoped was a casual manner.

"Forget that," I answered. "You were angry."

"No. I agreed to come because I know I need to apologise. You gotta let me," Will insisted.

"Apologise to your son," I countered. "Not right now, obviously. I didn't tell Henry or JJ that you were here, in case my calling you just made things worse. But at some point you should talk to him. We told Henry that you were upset and didn't mean to say what you said, but he was pretty upset himself that night. We don't want him to start thinking you're a bad guy."

Will appeared torn between guilt and relief. "I saw how happy he was with you," he offered, as if in recompense. "I was jealous…" He coughed awkwardly here. "I assume things are still going well with JJ or you wouldn't be here talking to me."

I nodded, unable to keep the grin from my face now. "It's amazing," I confessed. "And I got a call from Melissa too. I'm glad she and Chloe are back at home."

Will nodded and scratched the back of his neck in a gesture of embarrassment. "I'm going to have to do a lot to win back their trust."

"You _are_ doing a lot," I told him, with more certainty than I felt. "Everything will be fine. And I— I really appreciate your being here." I took a deep breath. "I hope I'm not going to ruin it now but I think I should be honest and tell you. I've moved in with JJ and Henry."

I noticed the way his shoulders stiffened at that but, to his credit, Will did his absolute best to hide his discomfort. "That's great," he congratulated me. "I, um… Henry's okay with that? I mean— I'm sure he is. He… Well, you… He likes you."

"Henry's been cheering for us since the beginning," I explained, taking a much-needed gulp of wine. "You're his dad and, of course, he loves you to death as well, but I think he sensed that his mom was lonely. And I feel really lucky, just extremely blessed, that I can make her happy."

"Well," Will replied, "I wasn't never confident she was happy with me, even right after we were married. So I guess you're one up on me already."

"This isn't a competition," I reminded him. "Honestly, all I want is to be with JJ and Henry. And you have Melissa and Chloe, so…" It was a weak argument even to my own ears. I may have liked those two, but Henry and JJ were irreplaceable—at least to me. "I called you because I wanted to resolve what happened the other week and because I think you deserve to know that what's happening between JJ and I is serious. There's a lot we still need to figure out, logistically, but if I could I'd marry her tomorrow. And, without excluding you from the picture, Will, we consider Henry our son."

The waiter returned with our food then, giving Will had an extra minute or two to consider his response. "It's weird," he admitted, "…Thinking that Henry's going to grow up with you and JJ. I mean, assuming you don't break up—"

"I think you can safely assume that," I said and, to my surprise, Will nodded acceptingly.

"Yeah, I guess he can…" he agreed. "What I mean is, it's weird for me to think that by the time Henry goes to college he'll have spent more time with you than me. I guess I thought I could always sort of be his dad from a distance and no one would ever challenge that. I'd just send JJ a cheque for child support every so often and that would be enough to buy my place as his father for life."

"You're still his dad, Will."

Will shook his head. "I know I am, but I'm not his _parent_. I'm more of a parent to Chloe than Henry. Most of the time, he's here and I'm in New Orleans… I've already missed out on a lot."

I bit my lip briefly. My meal was sitting, hot, in front of me, but I didn't touch it, and Will didn't move to start eating either. My heart was beating fast.

"About that," I hedged, keeping a close eye on the change in Will's expression, "This is just something to think about… But if you consent, I can adopt Henry as a second parent. I'd be able to legally make decisions about his life and welfare, and if something happened to JJ he'd be able to keep living with me without any additional legal work."

"Would you want him?" Will asked. He looked surprised but definitely not angry, which was a strong positive. The matter was on the table. "I mean, if JJ died, would you really wanna raise Henry alone? It's not like he'd have no one if you didn't. I'd take him. And me and JJ have both got big families who'd wanna help."

"I'd want him," I swore, only hoping he could hear how badly I meant it. "Will, I'd _need_ him. I couldn't lose JJ and then Henry too."

Will nodded soberly. "If it's what JJ wants I'll sign whatever it is, or if I have to go to court with you, I guess I'll do that." He shrugged, seemingly embarrassed by the way my face must have been lighting up. "Henry deserves two parents that are gonna be around for him. I'm not saying it's not going to take some getting used to, especially when I have to see both of you together or with him… But I haven't got any reason to say no that isn't rude and unfair. I'm sorry, Emily."

When I got home I couldn't explain to JJ why I was so happy without explaining the fact that I'd met up with Will. I just told her I'd found a _really, really_ great present while shopping with Morgan. And it was something she was going to love too.


End file.
